Kids love a good joke and are quick to reward adult silliness with gratifying laughter. But coming up with funny kids’ jokes on the spot is tough. Even the quickest among us aren’t nearly as good at slinging puns and making up funny dad jokes as we’d like to think. If your love for silly jokes is matched only by your kid’s love of hearing them, what you need is an arsenal of corny kids’ jokes for every occasion.
The secret to the best kids’ jokes is a deep commitment to ridiculousness. Good jokes for kids celebrate and revel in silliness over intelligence. They’re not afraid to get corny. The best kids’ jokes are light-hearted and fun but draw in adults with their clever puns. A funny kid joke is like ’60s Batman with Adam West: BIFF! POW! PUN! They’re good, clean crowd-pleasers. These are 65 hilarious jokes that kids will love and adults will love groaning at.
- The Fake Noodle
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An im-pasta.
- The Problem With Atoms
Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?
A: They make up everything.
- The Bottom of the Sea
Q: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
- The Driving Dino
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
A: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
- The Shy Farts
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
- The Virtues of Switzerland
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- A Match Made in Heaven
Q: Who did the zombie take to the dance?
A: His ghoul-friend
- Tiny Beaches
Q: What washes up on really small beaches?
- The Astronaut’s Baby
Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
- Rich Elves
Q: What do you call a rich elf?
- Ghost Beverages
Q: What do ghosts like to drink the most?
- Cold Vampires
Q: What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?
- Tooth Time
Q: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty!
- Giant Talk
Q: How do you talk to giants?
A: Use big words!
- Broken Boomerangs
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
- Clashing Colors
Q: What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
A: Their crews were marooned.
- Octopus Laughs
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
- Smarter Than a Parrot
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
- The Friendly Ocean
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
- Artichoke Fatality
Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: You strangle it.
- The Bashful Tomato
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Humpty Dumpty
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
- The Scared Skeleton
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
A: He didn’t have any guts.
- Writing Hands
Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
- The Sad Math Book
Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
- The Cool ’Shrooms
Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
A: Because they’re such fungis! (Fun guys, get it?)
- Plate Whisperer
Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
- Sized Right
Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree!
- The Holy Water
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
- A Real Celebrity
Q: Did you hear about the famous pickle?
A: He was a big dill!
- Traditional Thanksgiving
Q: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: No, you should just stick with turkey.
- After School Elves
Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Their gnome work.
- Another Name for Seagull
Q: What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?
A: A bagel.
- Flower Math
Q: How many lips does a flower have?
- Why didn’t the duck pay for her lip gloss?
She wanted to put it on her bill.
- The Theater
Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
A: He was just going through a stage.
- The Magic Dog
Q: What do you call a magic dog?
A: A Labracadabrador.
- Like a Parrot
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot.
A: A carrot.
- Cheese Propriety
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
- Why Dogs Can’t Dance
Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet?
- Again Snowman
Q: What do you call an old snowman?
- The Imprisoned Picture
Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: It was framed.
- Tissue Dance
Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a boogie in it.
- The Hospitalized Banana
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
- Baseball Hero
Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs?
- It Has Wheels and Flies
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
- The Problem With Baseball Stadiums
Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
A: Because it’s full of fans!
- Strongest Days of the Week
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
- How to Stop a Bull
Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Cancel its credit card.
- The Pile of Cats
Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
A: A meow-tain.
- Jungle Royalty
Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.
- Pregnant Bed Bug
Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
- Sensitive Burglar
Q: Why was the burglar so sensitive?
A: He takes things personally.
- Bathroom Break
Q: What did the tired toilet say to the plunger?
A: I’m flushed.
- The Population of Ireland
Q: Did you hear about the population of Ireland?
A: It’s Dublin.
- The Bike Fall
Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: It was two tired.
- The Cool Shark
Q: What do sharks say when something cool happens?
- The Butcher Accident
Q: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
A: He got a little behind in his work.
- The Wet Sand
Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: Because the sea weed.
- The Rubber Toe
Q: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
- Nosy Pepper
Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeno business!
- Vampire Insomnia
Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep?
A: Because of his coffin!
- The Actor
Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because every play has a cast.
- Why Birds Fly
Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?
A: It’s much easier than walking!
- Mummy Music
Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music.
- No Eye Fish
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
- What do you call a fly without wings?
- Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?
To see butter-fly.
- Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
He was stuffed.
- What does a vampire take for a sore throat?