How To Transition A Co-Sleeping Toddler To Their Own Bed

Transitioning to a toddler bed is a big change for a kid, and frustratingly slow for parents. Patience is essential.

by Matthew Utley
Originally Published: 
A toddler sleeping in bed with a stuffed animal.
Constantine Johnny/Getty

Making the transition to a toddler bed can be upsetting for kids. After all, it’s a big change for a toddler, particularly if they’ve been co-sleeping next to their parents at night. But once the process of transitioning to a toddler bed begins, it’s important to make that shift as comfortable and positive as possible. So if the bedtime story alone isn’t enough to send the kid to sleep, parents will need to do something else to help ease the transition to a toddler bed.

“Start by talking about them getting a bed in their own room,” recommends Roseanne Lesack, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, board-certified analyst, and director of a child psychology unit at Nova Southeastern University. “Have them be a part of that process.”

Parents should make it clear to the kid what transitioning to a toddler bed means and let them help pick out the bed, the bedding, and the transitional objects that can help them self-soothe.

Then, the sleep training begins. It’s a slow process, and it has to be in order to preserve the trust kids have in their parents.

The first night, a parent should sit on the bed with their kid after the usual bedtime ritual and stay there until the child falls asleep. Even with the comforting presence of a parent, the first night may be restless. After they fall asleep, the parent can leave. Once the child gets used to that, the parent should move farther away, perhaps to the edge of the bed, and stay until the child falls asleep. After the child is used to that, the parent can stand next to the bed, and so on. The point is to take small steps away from the kid and toward the door, and let them adjust to each change until the final step: their parent leaving the room.

The transitional technique used here is called fading, and it usually works — as long as parents take the time to let the child become acclimated to each new situation. “There are a million ways of dividing up these steps to be smaller for your child,” says Lesack. “It’s really based on what your child needs and what your family is comfortable doing.”

The point is to be consistent about each step and stick with it until your kid is comfortable. “Before going on to that next step, I would have three nights in a row of success,” advises Lesack. “Success is when the child is not upset, is not crying, and falls asleep within a normal time frame. I wouldn’t move further away if the child is upset.”

Falling asleep, however, is probably less of an issue for the child than waking up in the middle of the night alone in their own room. When that happens, it’s okay to enter the room, but try to repeat the bedtime process. If the kid fell asleep with you halfway across the room, you should return to that spot until the child self-soothes and falls asleep again.

The final step may be the most difficult. That can be mitigated by leaving the room for a set period of time, and then returning until the child falls asleep. Start with three minutes. Once the kid can handle that, up it to five. Eventually, the child will fall asleep when the parent is out in the hall. And that’s when the transition is complete.

“If you fade yourself out slow enough, there shouldn’t be any crying,” says Lesack. “If there is long, dramatic crying, or problem behavior, you either have to decrease that step or consider the possibility that your child isn’t ready to give up co-sleeping.”

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