Video calls are a necessity in the age of COVID-19, but that doesn’t mean they’re not awkward as hell. That’s true whether you’re a student, an office worker, or veteran NFL tight end joining a new team this season.
After 13 years with the Bears and Panthers, Greg Olsen signed with the Seahawks in February. But it wasn’t Olsen who popped up on the first team-wide Zoom call as “Greg Olsen” to break the ice.
After an introduction (of “Olsen”) from head coach Pete Carroll, a Seahawks jersey-clad Ferrell popped up on the screen to a chorus of laughs from the rest of the team. Any awkwardness that might’ve been there was quickly discarded.
“Coach, so excited to be here,” Ferrell said, speaking in deadpan as the laughter erupted from everyone else on the call. Adopting the cadence of a professional athlete spouting cliches to the media, Ferrell went on to spew some hilarious nonsense.
“Excited to play with you, Russ. Russ, I love you, I mean I love the way you play, I love the way you handle yourself as a human being. I mean I love you, let’s make a baby.”
After flattering the QB, Ferrell had some conditions for offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer, saying he was there to “catch some balls” and contribute plays like “90-Go-Flywheel Kanye Starburst,” whatever the hell that means.
Ferrell also made it clear that blocking and special teams were beneath him, while giving Luke Wilson, the long-haired, Ontario-born tight end, a nice ribbing.
“Luke Wilson, the only thing I want to tell you is you got to tamp that shit down, OK? That is not how I handle myself. I don’t know what you do in the offseason up there in Canada but you know cut you goddamn hair and let’s play some football.”
“I really appreciate the fact that you’re gonna allow me to actually do broadcasting in the real game. So I’m only gonna play about 12 plays a game. I gotta get back up in the booth, it’s an exciting opportunity for me,” he said to peals of laughter.
Carroll thanked Ferrell as the real Greg Olsen — a much younger, fitter man — came on screen with a huge smile on his face.