Any adult who has come within 50 feet of a preschooler in the last 3 years likely knows about Paw Patrol. For the uninitiated, it’s a children’s show about a handful of puppies and their iconoclastic, 10-year-old owner named Ryder, who appear to be responsible for the emergency and municipal maintenance services in the tiny beachfront community of Adventure Bay.
This premise is obviously insane. Why would the citizens trust their fire safety, for instance, to a clumsy pup whose dog house turns into a fire truck? Dogs, after all, don’t even have thumbs! Where does the money for that kind of stuff even come from? Why is every adult on this show a complete imbecile? Where are most of the adults to begin with? These were a few of the burning questions of The Gaudian‘s Senior Social Reporter Martin Belam (and any parent who’s ever watched the show, frankly). And once the question had been posed, people took to Twitter to offer their own answers.
I've always felt there had been a terrible incident with fire and rescue leading to most of the town folk being incinerated. The mayor loses her mind and decrees that no humans will be in charge of emergency services. The soul of her dead husband is in Chickoletta.
— devillefilm (@devillefilm) January 27, 2018
I think it's all in Ryder's head and that he's created this fantasy world to escape the bitter reality of his own life: his Mum has 25 cats and his Dad left to sail around the world.
— Charles Dance Macabre (@davidnaylor) January 27, 2018
I just assumed the kid running it had come up with the world’s best grift. He probably charges Adventure Bay ludicrous sums for the private services and pays his employees in dog food/treats. Dude’s managed to build himself a tower and buy all kinds of Hugh tech luxury vehicles.
— Damien Kutinsky (@glokz0r) January 29, 2018
I've always assumed Ryder is some alternate universe Bruce Wayne whose mansion home was built over dog kennels instead of a bat cave
— Iain Jewitt (@ijwtt) January 27, 2018
The show manages to raise so many eyebrows that an entire Twitter page called @PawPatrolCritique has been dedicated to keeping fans abreast of the strange happenings in Adventure Bay.
There are no churches, mosques or synagogues on #PawPatrol, but there is an ancient religion that turns someone into a Monkey-dinger. God works in mysterious ways. pic.twitter.com/AgdE4mzZX4
— Paw Patrol Critic (@PawPatrolCritic) January 18, 2018
Unable to prepare a budget, Mayor Goodway shut down the #PawPatrol this morning. Within 5 hours, most of the town was destroyed by sea monsters, dinosaurs and a runaway ferris wheel. #shutdown pic.twitter.com/bChcBq55YK
— Paw Patrol Critic (@PawPatrolCritic) January 22, 2018
All these conspiracies and weird observations are good, but in all likelihood, there is only one possible answer: Dogs actually took over the planet millennia ago. Ryder isn’t actually their leader, but a go-between, a pet in his own right, maintaining a delicate power balance between the sedated public and their covert, but ruthless puppy overlords. It’s obvious.
