Toddlers are…interesting. Gone are the days where eating, pooping, sleeping, and crying were the only items on the agenda. Walking and talking are exciting, sure, but the arguing, tantrum-throwing, and generally causing havoc are not. Redditor mirarom asked Redditors with toddlers for “the most recent illogical breakdown they’ve had.” Their responses did not disappoint.
Rava3396 blew up a glove and draw a turkey face on it. The two-year-old screamed hysterically “MAKE IT NOT A BALLOON!!!” so she poked a hole in it. Bad idea. “NO NO NO…THE TURKEY, THE TURKEY IS DEAD! NOOOO!” and rage screams went on for 40 minutes.
Even junk food can raise the ire of a toddler. User gloomyquelledbasket wrote, “They wanted another chicken nugget, so I gave them another chicken nugget. Breakdown.” Concealer77 gave a toddler yelling “YAY PIZZAZAAZPIZZZAAPIZZA” a slice of pizza and got cries in response.
And if you waited to get married to have kids, you might’ve made a huge mistake. LaziestGirl described a toddler “Crying because she didn’t get to go to her parent’s wedding – 7 years before she was born.”
The top-rated reply came from XenusMom, whose toddler screamed inconsolably: “I WANT NOTHING,” a statement that has lots of interesting philosophical implications.
But the funniest responses were situations in which kids were upset about something so unchangeable that their parents couldn’t do anything. “My daughter lost it because she wanted a twin sister (she has a twin sister),” said notsostepfordwife. Amishpapa’s daughter was made that he couldn’t change the fabric of time: “My wife is four months older than I am and my 4-year-old daughter got upset because she wanted me to be older than my wife.”
SudoPoke had a similar story. “Our toddler found a photo book of my wife and I before kids having fun on vacation. He melted down saying we went out for fun and didn’t take him. I told him, ‘It’s because you weren’t born yet.’ He fired back, ‘I exist! I’m right here!'”
This last anecdote is emblematic of how illogical and self-centered toddlers can be. It’s not fun when you’re in the middle of it as a parent, but the replies to this thread show how funny the absurd things toddlers say can be if you have a little distance.