The Craziest New Baby Names Are Heavy Metal as Hell

"Look at Slayer napping. Isn't he just the cutest thing!?"

by Raz Robinson
Originally Published: 
Seasos USA CackBlabbath

Every time the Social Security Administration releases the list of baby names for the previous year, there are a few monikers that really stand out as ingenious or deeply peculiar. Nothing about that changed in 2018. The weird names of 2017 were, per usual, really weird. But the baby naming experts at Nameberry took a second pass and found what one might call a micro-trend that’s worth calling out: Baby names that are metal as hell. We’re talking kids with names that are basically probable cause scribbled across their birth certificates.

Some of the names on this list are just so brazen that you have to wonder what the kids’ parents were thinking. The name Shooter seems, for instance, particularly poorly advised given the national dialogue about school shootings. Nonetheless, 14 parents thought it sounded cute for a boy. Fortunately, the other names on Nameberry’s “Attitude” list are less objectionable and more purely intimidating (particularly if you happen to be a kindergarten teacher). Last year, 32 boys were named Brazen, 46 boys and 16 girls were named Riot, 17 boys were named Havok, 10 boys were named Furious, and 24 boys were named Lucifer. Because some parents weren’t content to give their kids criminal-sounding name, 11 boys were just name Arson, which is a felony

And the six most metal babies in America were named Slayer.

While naming your kid after a crime or a thrash metal band seems as odd as it can get, it’s probably more productive than naming your kid super literally. Just for context, 19 girls were named Girl and seven girls were named Babygirl. Say what you will about the name Riot, but at least kids don’t grow out of it by the time they’re six. (They grow into it, and then all hell breaks loose.)

Going through the Nameberry list of super metal names, there is one obvious disappointment: No children seem to have been given the name Mastodon. Pity. That band shreds.

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