Chances are, you’ve never had more than a passing thought about taking steps to have a more intense orgasm. Why would you? Orgasms are already pretty good, aren’t they? Especially considering that they often happen while you’re having sex. But if you’re curious, there are ways to improve the already great — and enhance your partner’s sex life in the process. That’s why we spoke a variety of experts, including ex and intimacy coach Leah Carey, Megwyn White, certified clinical sexologist and director of education for Satisfyer, and Reece Stockhausen, a men’s relationship and sex coach, about how men can have stronger, more pleasurable orgasms. As it turns out, improving the already pleasurable doesn’t require Sting-like stamina or much more than an open mind, a little bit of restraint, and a bit of knowledge. Here are a few tips to keep in mind.
1. Take a Break
“The best way to get in touch with the sensations and improve your orgasm is, somewhat ironically, to take orgasm off the table for a little while,” says Carey. How long should you wait? It might be a matter of days or even weeks. But that doesn’t mean you’re under a vow of celibacy. “Have play sessions with your partner that are focused on touch without a goal,” Carey recommends. When your partner is touching you, lay back and enjoy. Don’t try to reciprocate, just relax into the experience. Then, switch places. Touch your partner and pay attention to what it feels like to touch, caress, and worship their body while they relax into receiving.
2. Experiment With the Edging Technique
Most of the time, men experience orgasms the way Wile E. Coyote experiences a cliff, blundering into thin air without noticing they’ve run out of land and not realizing they’re in free-fall until it’s far too late. It doesn’t have to be this way.
The sexual practice known as edging purports to allow men to regulate their release — and strengthen it. With edging, men are repeatedly brought — or bring themselves — to the edge of orgasm before backing off.
To understand the technique, Stockhausen suggests visualizing sexual sensation on a scale of 1-10, with one being barely aroused and 10 being orgasm and, critically, nine as the point of no return, or PNR, where orgasm is unavoidable. The key is realizing that the scale doesn’t only go up.
“With edging, you’re attempting to bring more awareness, choice, and control over your orgasms,” Stockhausen says. “In theory, it’s quite simple. Before hitting your point of no return, ease off slightly.” But in practice, it presents a challenge. “It can feel a bit uncomfortable at first if a man is used to masturbating towards a goal of release, but the benefits are undoubtedly amazing with time and practice,” says White.
Through edging, you learn to spend more time on the scale, which results in the scale growing longer. “You’re training your body to ride the line of heightened pleasure without falling over the PNR for as long as possible,” Stockhausen says. “The longer you can do this, the more you sensitize your body to an increased capacity of pleasure.”
3. Power Up Your Pelvic Floor
The physical sensation of male orgasm doesn’t happen in the penis alone. During orgasm, the pubococcygeus muscle or PC muscle, which stretches from the pubic bone to the coccyx to form the floor of the pelvis, contracts involuntarily. By strengthening the PC muscle, Stockhausen says, men can strengthen orgasms as well. While it contracts during orgasm, the PC muscle’s main function is regulating urine. It’s the muscle that helps you cut off the stream mid-flow.
“To strengthen this area, try clenching for a count of 5 and relaxing for a count of 5,” Stockhausen says. “A few reps throughout the day will build greater strength and control of these orgasm muscles.” White says that utilizing the pelvic floor muscle can help men delay ejaculation and deepen the intensity of orgasms, noting a 1989 lab study where a man became multi-orgasmic through master of the PC muscle. “The pelvic floor muscles help to integrate neural pathways of pleasure and boost blood flow while maintaining a sense of ‘grounding’ within the nervous system, helping you to literally root instead of going over the edge into an ejaculatory response,” White says.
4. Learn to Relax Through Pleasure
During sexual stimulation, male bodies instinctually clench up and contract. It’s natural. but for more pleasurable orgasms, it’s important to be able to relax and surrender into pleasure. “Relaxing instead of contracting can create a whole different orgasmic experience,” says Stockhausen.
Picture your capacity for pleasure as a container that can only hold so much before spilling over into orgasm. “By relaxing instead of clenching, you’re effectively expanding that container and increasing the amount of pleasure you’re able to feel,” Stockhausen says.
As your arousal builds, pay attention to your urge to clench. Then, as arousal increases, relax your muscles, particularly the pelvic floor, buttocks, and abdominal area. “Continuing to relax through the PNR can also prolong orgasm and create a different, and highly-pleasurable, orgasmic experience,” Stockhausen says.
5. Practice Deep Breathing
It’s natural for our breathing to get faster and more shallow when we’re aroused. But Stockhausen says that being mindful of how we’re breathing and being conscious of our lungs during arousal is a simple and reliable method for intensifying sexual experiences.
Breathing deeply can help to open up the body and expand your pleasure potential. Practitioners of tantra view the breath as a key component for unlocking deeper pleasure in the body along with heightened states of awareness. “Begin by imagining that you’re using the breath to direct sexual energy and pleasure up from your genitals and spreading it throughout your entire body,” Stockhausen says. “This technique is how men can go from having purely genital-focused orgasms to whole-bodied, non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms.”
6. Make Some Noise
Generally speaking, men don’t tend to make a lot of sound when they orgasm. The reasons for the male tendency towards sexual silence are a matter of debate. Nonetheless, Stockhausen says vocal expression during arousal is a simple technique for increasing arousal. “Incorporating grunts, moans, and deep, guttural sounds is an easy way to amp up the pleasure and intensify your orgasms,” Stockhausen says.
7. Release Tension From Your Belly and Jaw
At the height of orgasm, pressure builds within the body, which often translates to tension. White says that countering that tension, particularly in certain parts of the body, can create deeper physical sensations.
“Two areas to pay particular attention to are the jaw and the belly,” she says. “Both of these areas can often get tight and impact the body’s ability to feel pleasure. You’ll notice that when you are stressed or suppressing a feeling, these areas will also be tight.” When the jaw and lower belly relax they can help to expand pleasure within the body.
If this feels difficult to connect within the moment of peaking in orgasm, White says to try to relax these areas in the post-orgasmic or resolution phase. “You’ll feel a deepening of pleasure and relaxation that can ultimately help in training your body to feel safer in this ‘letting go’ relationship with the body,” she says.