Why I Put My Wife Before My Kid

Just hear him out.

by Bashea Williams
Originally Published: 

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There has been a social media meme that sparked a debate. The meme has a visual representation of four individuals and poses the question “Who Comes First?” The 4 individuals are a man’s mother, the mother of his child, his child, and his wife.

I thought the decision for everyone was a no-brainer. Wife, right?

Or so I thought. I found myself in many different debates explaining why I believe the wife is always first. I was astounded at the thought process and reasoning of why others chose other options as first.

With that being said, here is my reasoning of why the wife is first by discussing each role.


We love our mothers and they are amazing! They gave birth to us and nurtured us to the best of their abilities. They helped us grow into the men we are today.

They are very knowledgeable and have played the role of wife, mother and child at one time in their lives. They can offer some great insight on who should be first out of the 4. This may be based on bias for themselves, the child, wife, or child’s mother.

I was astounded at the thought process and reasoning of why other chose other options first.

As great as mom has been to us, she is not first, nor second and sometimes will be a toss up between third and last. They are a reference and not the source. Their role decreases immensely once we became men.

We can no longer lay on their laps or their bosoms and depend on them to take care of us. We become men of our own house and start our own families.

No matter how awesome mothers are, we can no longer depend on them to save us! We are no longer the men of their homes nor treat them as our spouses.

Giving them the power to lead us will hinder your relationships. This does not mean their advice isn’t invaluable, it means we should absorb their knowledge and apply it appropriately ensuring it doesn’t put us in a boy’s role.

We are men and the head of our new families!

Mother Of Your Child

This section may be short because their opinion on a man’s marriage begins and ends with the child. They will not have an influence on decisions that don’t impact the child directly. Don’t let them influence your husband and wife relationship.

It is up to the husband to control the relationship between mother, wife, and child’s mother. CLEAR BOUNDARIES. The husband must also facilitate the relationship between the child and the child’s mother to make sure all parties are comfortable.

Yes, we have a lot of responsibility, we created the environment, so manage it. We must not allow the mother of our children to control the relationship between our mutual children and our wives. Manage it!

As a father, it is up to me to show my son how he should treasure his future wife. If I had a daughter, it would be up to me to provide an example of how she should be treated as a wife.

I get it, our child doesn’t have to accept our wives as her new mother, but she must respect her as an adult and as our wives!


They are first before you get married. If you think you have always put your child first, think about the times you sought a babysitter or switched the schedule with your child’s mother to go out on a date with your wife, who was at the time your girlfriend.

Got it?!

I have read women say “I would never expect a man to put me in front of his child”.

That is good because it isn’t up to you, it is up to the man.

We, as men, need to balance the relationships. We as men, need to show our children how highly we respect and think of our wives.

As a father, it is up to me to show my son how he should treasure his future wife. If I had a daughter, it would be up to me to provide an example of how she should be treated as a wife. This does not mean the child will be neglected in any way, this shows order.

Children will receive love and understand relationship transition. They invite additional love from others.

It is up to us as men to marry a woman that we are confident enough to be an additional parent/extension of us. We can’t allow the child to cause a riff by splitting. We must be on one accord with our wives to show them that we are a team that is there to care for them. We have to teach them roles.

The children don’t make decisions in your household!


Happy wife, happy life! Thou shall not neglect the wife in any area.

Should I stop there?!

In parenting, we need to have a partnership.

If you have read the other categories, they all show why and where we need to put our wives first. In parenting, we need to have a partnership. When we get married, it will be our responsibility to lead and show our children an example of how a husband is supposed to love his wife and lead his family. Our wives need and should be secure in our relationships.

She is the Queen of our household. Mothers and Mothers of our children’s relationships are outside of our household. You and your wife are a united front. Decisions will be made together. Actions will be completed together. Love and respect will be an example to everyone.

Your relationship with your wife is the most important relationship to maintain. Your child will be fine! When you chose your wife, you considered the relationship she will have with your child.

When you chose your wife, you considered the role you would play in managing the relationship between your wife and the mother of your child. When you chose your wife, you considered how you would manage the relationship between your wife and your mother.

Keep home happy by keeping your Queen happy!

Bashea Williams is a dedicated father, licensed social worker and writer. Working with at-risk children and specializes in marriage and family therapy. You can visit his website Read more of his posts here:

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