How to Have Great (Quiet) Sex After The Kids Go to Sleep

You don’t have to make a lot of noise to let your partner know you’re having a good time

by Carrie Weisman
Originally Published: 

Sex can be described a lot of different ways. Some say its good exercise. Some say its provides simple stress relief. Others consider it a necessary ingredient for maintaining a good relationship. It’s fun, and it feels good. But it can be a noisy endeavor, and not all of us have the luxury of letting our groans go unmuffled. Below, we bring you a few clever ways to stifle the noise without killing the heat. Because the kids don’t need to hear about everything that goes bump in the night.

Position Yourself Accordingly

Sex usually takes place in a bed, and bedframes are noisy. But before we resign ourselves to circumstances in which furniture slams into the walls and kids come running into the room, let’s explore a few more possibilities. There are certain positions that lend themselves to quieter sex. Spooning caters to slower thrusts, which always helps keep things quiet. Missionary position allows us to grind up against each other in place of more traditional thrusting, which definitely helps keep the noise down. If finding ways around a rickety bedframe becomes too much of a hassle, try hopping out of bed. Getting it on against the wall is always an exciting alternative to bed sex.

Focus On Your Breathing

Popular depictions of sex seem to imply the better it is, the louder you get. But reality doesn’t necessarily follow that logic. Skipping out on the theatrics means you can focus on other intimate aspects of sex. Deep breathing can help communicate pleasure and passion. Falling into sync with your partner creates an even more intense sexual bond. Plus, mindful breathing comes packaged with an extra perk: more an intense orgasms. The more we focus on deep breaths during sex, the more likely we are to engage the pelvic floor muscles (these are the same stretch of muscles that contract during climax). The deeper we breath, the more primed for orgasm they become.

Get Playful

If you’ve ever fantasized about the dominant/submissive dynamic, here’s your opportunity to engage. Maintaining silence during sex becomes a lot more fun when it’s performed in the context a command. You could communicate that direction verbally. Or maybe you want to use your hands to muffle your partner’s moans. You could use an old tie to wrap around their mouth. You could also invest in some accessories (hello, gag balls). Being rendered speechless during sex forces us to focus on other sensory experiences during sex. Explore your creative side. See what sticks

Kiss, Don’t Shout

Contrary popular belief, there are things we can do with our mouths during sex besides scream. Like kiss. It’s an intimate expression of affection. It’s also a fun way to bring some of that foreplay action into intercourse. Research has shown that bring on the effects of arousal, which is pretty important to factor into good sex. Plus, it’s believed to have a positive impact on our mental health. Consider that a two-for.

Head to the Shower

If you’re like Tobias Fünke, you probably like to cry in the shower. It’s a space we typically associate with nudity and vulnerability. It’s private. It’s also loud, which helps muffles sound. Of course, those same benefits could be associated with shower sex. Running water, it seems, has the power to drown out both our sobs, and our moans.

This article was originally published on