How to Make Your Wife Feel Sexy Again After the Baby Arrives

According to experienced moms.

Originally Published: 

According to a recent poll, an average of 18 months (that’s 547 days) will pass before a new mother will feel sexy again. Given the fact that she’s just generated, sustained, and given birth to a brand new human being, the delay is understandable. But there are things that you can do to nudge her closer to feeling more like her old self. Spoiler alert: They’re all really easy, relatively cheap, and involve making her feel wanted. This is according to the experienced moms we spoke to and who shared what their husbands did that helped bring sexy back, post-bundle-of-joy. If you’ve got one on the way — or recently became a new dad — and want to remind your wife why she’s the sexiest woman on the planet at a time when most women feel their un-sexiest, here are some tactics to keep in mind.

1. Remind Her That You’ll Always Find Her Sexy

“The months post-partum are like a weird kind of adult puberty. You’re bleeding for weeks, your hormones are leveling out, your milk is in your boobs, your skin is out of whack — your body goes through some shit. My husband didn’t flinch. In fact, I remember him making inappropriate comments about my ass — flirty comments — when I bent over to load the dishwasher. He helped me find pieces of me that weren’t ‘mom’, which went a long way to helping me feel like myself and reminding me that he loves me, and will always find me sexy.” – Amanda, 37, Florida

2. Just Want to Spend Time With Her

“Alcohol helps. Not during nursing, of course. But, just wanting to spend time with me, and making an effort really showed me that my husband was still attracted to me. I would come down from putting our boys to bed, and he would have the lights low, and a glass of wine. It was like a Bat Signal. Pretty cheesy, true. But it was the sentiment and the intention that really made me feel good.” – Jessica, 40, Iowa

3. Give Her Time to Feel Taken Care of

“My husband set me up with an appointment to get my hair done, which helped me get back some of my confidence, and made me feel sexy. He took the kids, too, which was awesome. After having a baby, you feel, like, super un-sexy for a very, very long time. You’ve just grown another human being inside of you for nine months. My husband called me ‘The Vessel’. After you deliver, you still leave the hospital looking 4-5 months pregnant. Which is horrifying. Things don’t really ever go back to the way they were. So, a gesture like that goes a long way. It’ll make a new mom feel like she’s still got it.” – Samantha, 38, Connecticut

4. Don’t Make a Big Deal Out of the Gross Stuff

“He helped me clean my C-section, and put cream on spots I couldn’t reach. I had a lot of allergic reactions to medical tapes and bandages — I was practically covered in cortisone cream for weeks. But, he was so loving and caring that it really felt nice. Feeling sexy isn’t necessarily a priority after giving birth, but I still like to feel good about myself. So, something like that helped me work my way back to normal. I also made a point to get dressed every day, put on some makeup — even if I wasn’t leaving the house that day — and generally try to make myself feel good. It helped my mood, and my husband was there supporting me the whole time.” – Reby, 36, Philippines

5. Offer a Lot of Little Compliments

“My husband would say how lucky we all were that the baby looked like her mother. That was a great way to lighten the mood and make me feel good about myself when I was down. He came home with flowers sometimes. And take out. Stuff like that. But joking with me, even at his own expense, made me laugh, which definitely helped me feel more confident.” – Antonietta, 36, Pennsylvania

6. Pamper Her

“I felt sexiest when my husband would bring me breakfast in bed. The food was great, for sure, but it was the feeling of being nurtured that made me feel sexy. He got up early, put in all the effort to surprise me, then sat there with me while I ate. If the baby needed attention, he wouldn’t hesitate, and then come right back. It was always a special experience for me, and it made me feel like I was still his ‘queen’, as silly as that may sound. And that made me feel sexy.” – Lisa, 42, California

7. Tell Her How Amazed You Are of What Her Body Can Do

“The last thing you want to do after giving birth is have sex. Like, maybe ever. My husband gave me massages, took care of me, pampered me…but the thing he did that made me feel the most sexy was constantly tell me how amazed he was that my body ‘did all this.’ He would say things like, ‘Your body is incredible’, but in a way that showed he truly appreciated what I had gone through, physically and emotionally. I’m kind of a freak, because having a baby actually made me love my body MORE. And having my husband acknowledge all that I’m capable of made me feel strong, which made me feel sexy.” – Winnie, 35, Connecticut

8. Flirt With Her

“My husband still flirted with me all the time. It’s pretty simple, but it made me feel sexy. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted me, even if I was at my worst. He made me feel seen, like I still grabbed his attention. I realized that, as a mother, I almost redefined what ‘sexy’ meant. It’s less about looks and appearance, and more about feeling appreciated.” — Mae, 43, New York

9. Show Her You Want to Be Near Her

“Feeling sexy is all about feeling wanted, and one thing that my husband did to really make me feel wanted was sleep on the living room floor when I wanted to sleep on the couch. He stayed right there with me — it must have been incredibly uncomfortable for him. I struggled with postpartum depression for the first two years of my daughter’s life, so the whole concept of ‘sexy’ was far off my radar. So far off, in fact, that I don’t think I even ever felt unsexy. I was just numb. He would compliment me all the time, and he was really sweet about giving me time to myself, but — and I feel bad saying this — I was in such a bad place that it almost bordered on annoying. Him sleeping on the floor was the perfect way to show me he wanted to be near me, no matter how difficult it must’ve been. And that helped bring me back.” – Hallie, 35, Kansas

10. Compliment Her In Front of Others

“My husband complimented me all the time, which was nice. But it was when he complimented me in the presence of others that I felt the sexiest. We would be with friends or family, and he would say something as simple as, ‘Doesn’t she look beautiful?’ I would roll my eyes and say, ‘Yeah, right’, but it really made me feel good inside. I got embarrassed, but it was so flattering to be recognized that way outside of just the two of us. I loved it.” – Christine, 50, Ohio

11. Find Moments of Real Tenderness

“I hate, hate, hate being cold. After we had our first baby, time to myself was obviously a precious thing. When I got some, I’d usually take a shower. And, almost every time I did, my husband would be there waiting for me with a warm towel when I was done. He’d put the towels in the dryer for a few minutes after I’d gotten into the shower, and time it perfectly so that I could just step out into the towel, and into his arms. We’d hug, and kiss, and it made me feel so good. ‘Sexy’ was a part of it, but it was largely about just being close to the man who made me feel that way.” – Kala, 29, Massachusetts

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