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Don’t Make Orgasms a Priority: How to Have Sex When You’re Really Tired

No, you don't have to pretend to not be tired; you and your partner just have to tailor your routine a bit.

If we were to guess, you’re tired. Chances are, you’re probably scrolling through this story while taking a breather in the bathroom or enjoying your 15 minutes of free time on the couch while the kids nap. So, you undoubtedly understand that parenting is exhausting. As such, sleep sits above sex on your bedroom to-do list because, well, you need those zzz’s to function. It’s understandable. Long days at the office and screaming children aren’t exactly sex-enhancers. But it is incredibly important for the health of a marriage to carve our some time for sex in your relationship. No, you don’t have to pretend to not be tired; you and your partner just have to make a few changes to make it through this low-energy time. Here, then, are five tips for having great sex when you’re tired.

Step Up Your Foreplay Game

If you don’t already have sex on the mind by the time you get to bed, there are a few things you can do to change that, and most of them revolve around touch. In her book Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., discusses the importance of responsive desire, or “desire for sex that emerges in response to sexy things that are already happening.” In other words, start priming the body for some sexy fun. The mind will follow.

Focus on Other Forms of Sex

Penetrative sex is a pretty reliable way to secure an orgasm… for guys. But slamming your body against someone else’s’ requires a lot of work. If you’re looking for an easier outlet, then think about entertaining other forms of sex. Oral doesn’t require much movement. Besides, research shows that women climax way more often during oral sex than with traditional intercourse. If you’re not good with the tongue, then think about using your hands. Options are out there.

Position Yourself Appropriately

Acrobatic sex is for people with energy. If you’re tired, but still in the mood to get laid, then finding the right position is key. Sex while spooning is one of many options that allow you to get down without getting up. If you’re craving something more involved, but don’t have the energy to do it yourself, put your pillows to work. Cradle yourself with your comforter. Get creative.

Take It Slow

“Hard and fast” probably isn’t the best approach for someone in need of a good night’s sleep. If you’re already tired, think about slowing things down. You don’t want to use up what little energy you have in the first few strokes. Besides, slow sex provides more opportunity to enjoy the experience. It will help prime your body to last longer in bed and lead to more intense orgasms once you do finally reach climax.

Don’t Make Orgasms a Priority

Too often, sex is framed as a race to the finish, with orgasm being the end goal. Taking ejaculation off the menu allows you to relax. You won’t tire yourself out physically trying to achieve orgasm, and you won’t work yourself up mentally in attempts to get there, either. The world puts enough pressure on us. If you’re already tired, maybe you don’t need to add anything more to the plate.