How to Have Sex More Often: 5 Things Couples Need to Remember

Time to get your priorities in line.

by Carrie Weisman

They average American may not get a full eight hours of sleep, but they do plenty of other stuff to fill in for the time. According to a MarketWatch survey, Americans spend upward of 11 hours a day logged on to social media, sharing clips, watching television and consuming other forms of media. Throw in work obligations, bathroom breaks, family meals and all the other necessary chores that come with the average day and there’s not much time left for the fun stuff, like sex. And it’s starting to show. The General Social Survey, a program designed to track American social behavior, found that the percentage of people getting it on at least once a week has been on the decline since 2000. Younger demographics, especially, seem to be hard-hit by that trend. But it’s important to remember that statistics don’t need to translate into our individual lives. So how do you start having more sex? You and your partner simply need to be more intentional about it —and pay mind to these five steps in particular.

Talk About Your Expectations

We’ve interviewed lot of experts about sex and marriage. A lot. And while they each bring their own individual twist into every interview, there is one thing that they all prioritize: communication. People aren’t always as tuned in to one another as we’d like to think. Taking the time to actually talk to your partner about your desires and expectations is important. Sure, it might also be a little uncomfortable, but hey, so are sexual dry spells. Maybe your partner is going through something that you aren’t aware of. Maybe they’re unhappy with the current state of the sexual routine. Maybe everything is fine and they just wanted some extra attention. There are a lot of different “maybes” we can throw into this context. The only way to know which one applies to you and yours is to talk it out.

Plan It

Marking things down on a calendar doesn’t really scream “eroticism” in the traditional sense but it can help keep things on track. Scheduled sex gives couples the opportunity to show one another that they are making intimacy a priority. Plus, it gives you something to look forward to throughout the day. Remember, you can always leave room for error. If someone suddenly gets sick, the obligation obviously doesn’t stand. Keep it flexible, and fun. It might open things up to a future where the calendared events are scheduled around your intimate time, and not the other way around.

Take It Out of the Bedroom

According to Expedia’s 2018 Heat Index Survey, more than half of respondents say they’re more intimate with their partner or spouse on vacation than at home. Sometimes, a little novelty can pave the way for a lot more sex. Of course, you don’t have to pack up and head out of town to experience something new. Simply taking things out of the bedroom can bring new energy into a sex life gone stale. Shower sex is an easy option, especially during the summer months. If that’s not your thing, think about the living room, the staircase, or the kitchen counter. Maybe the spooky, unfinished basement is more your jam. We don’t judge. The point is the options are endless.

Keep Sex on the Radar

Life is full of unsexy distractions. Commutes. Vitamins. Meal prep. Emails from the bank about your “Credit Card Journey.” These are things we interact with on a daily basis, and none of them give us reason to get horny. If sex doesn’t come to you, you must find a way to get to sex. And that doesn’t always mean intercourse. If you live in a major city, try taking your partner on a walk. Chose the location wisely. If you guys just so happen to pass by a popular sex shop, well, think about popping in for quick look around. As we mentioned earlier, we spend a lot of time looking at screens. Why not pull something sexy up. It could be a clip from your favorite movie. It could be something far more explicit. Think about what will resonate with your partner, and stream accordingly.

Think About Accessorizing With Toys

Pleasure products aren’t quite as taboo as they used to be. Hell, even earlier this week the New York Times printed two separate articles about a Brooklyn-based sex toy company suing the MBTA for discrimination over advertising. Studies suggest that vibrator use can have a tremendous impact on sexual pleasure for women, especially within the context of a partnered experience. Of course, it’s not necessary healthy to look to sex as a goal-oriented activity, with orgasm positioned as the prize. But accessorizing with items designed to improve the odds might help inspire a little more lust in the day-to-day.