We all want to stand out when it comes to sex. Maybe it’s an ego thing. Maybe it circles back to a fear of being remembered in some unfavorable way. Or maybe, it circles back to the fear of not being remembered at all. But how far should we go in pursuit of that goal? Is it worth it, say, to develop a signature sex move?
Having a sexual calling card could work in your advantage. But you have to follow a few rules. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon what you think is a winning final move. You’ve added it to your repertoire and feel pretty confident about it. It’s worked for you in the past, right? But what works for one person may not work for the next, so it’s important to tailor your special style to whomever it is you’ll be practicing it with. It’s probably also a good idea to center you signature on pleasure, in place of performance. Theatrics can, of course, serve a purpose in the bedroom. But they don’t always encourage the most organic approach to sexual enjoyment.
But, if you can proceed with those points in mind, you might just be able to pump out a special something for you and your partner to enjoy time and time again. So how do you develop a signature sex move? Here are some pointers to keep in mind.
1. Be Original
Sex is a two-player game, and no team is exactly alike. As mentioned, it’s important to tailor individual moves to the actual individuals involved. If there’s a certain something you’ve enjoyed doing in the past, try to find ways to incorporate it into your partner’s preferences.
“You can take your favorite move and try to put a new twist on it, or find some inspiration through porn or other movies,” says Bethany Ricciardi, the resident sex expert over at TooTimid. “If you talk to your partner intimately about their previous sex life, you can listen and learn what they used to do. You can find out what they enjoyed and what they didn’t, and more importantly you’ll hear what their partner didn’t did or didn’t do.”
2. Go Big
If you really want to stand out from the crowd, you’re going to have to entertain the unusual. “You’re more likely to stand out from other lovers if you’re more willing to explore your sexuality,” says Ricciardi. “Most people can be too timid to consider new things during sex, but maybe you’re interested in trying something a previous partner wasn’t. Try and spice things up yourself and surprise your partner with new ideas.”
3. Get Intimate
“Treat your ‘signature move’ as a symbolic action that you two share together and only together,” says Ricciardi. “There might be some nights where your partner asks you to do ‘that thing I love,’ and, without saying anything more, you’ll know exactly what they’re talking about. It’s comforting to be familiar with each other.” Besides, says Ricciardi, it’s a smart way to stay connected to your partner, even when apart. “It really helps brand yourself into their brain,” she says. “If they like it enough, they’ll replay it over and over again throughout the day.”
4. Stay Confident
“It’s awesome to feel confident when you’re having sex,” says Ricciardi. “Embrace it.” So long as you’ve developed your move with both partners’ pleasure in mind, you can count on the praise your partner will deliver in exchange for the performance. And who among us doesn’t love a little positive feedback?
5. Be Flexible
Being asked to perform your “signature move”, is an easy way to tell that your partner is enjoying what you’re doing. If things suddenly go silent, you might want to check in with your partner. “Be sure to communicate openly about your sex life,” says Ricciardi. “Maybe they want to switch things up and try something new.” Remember, developing a “signature move” is a fun way to share something special with your partner, but novelty is important in the context of a long-term commitment. Allow your signature move(s) to develop over time. Maybe store a few different styles in the arsenal. And recycle them when desired.
This article was originally published on