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How to Stop Feeling So Damn Jealous During the Holiday Season

The high-stakes holiday atmosphere has a tendency to unearth it. Fighting it requires knowing where you rank.

Throughout the year, we’re often guilty of peering over the fence and comparing ourselves to the lives of others. But, the high-stakes atmosphere at the holidays raises this feeling to new heights levels.Well, Thompson went all out on the decorations this year, didn’t he? Did you see that Kirkwood wrapped a car in a fucking bow like one of those Lexus commercials? Um, did Jason and Carla say they were going to Paris for New Years? Must be nice, huh? Does Chris always have to gloat about his end of year bonuses?  The most wonderful time of the year is also a wonderful time to put wealth and status on display and it’s easy to feel like something’s being thrown in your face. But, despite how valid or not you might be in your frustrations, it’s imperative to take measure to keep that green-eyed monster at bay.

“People get jealous because they get competitive over the wrong things,” explains Laurie Endicott Thomas, author of Don’t Feed the Narcissists! The Mythology and Science of Mental Health, “They spend so much time competing with each other in games that don’t matter. They don’t know how to connect to each other as equals.”

If you think of the seven deadly sins, jealousy is actually a hybrid of two: envy and wrath. You covet something your neighbor has to such an extent that you experience fits of uncontrolled anger.

“It’s easy to become a ball of rage about your place in the system because you’re likely going to come in contact with a parade of button-pushing a-holes.

“The feeling gets really bad when you’re jealous over a trait,” says Thomas “If you wanted a material possession, I could just give it to you. But if you’re jealous because someone is better looking or something like that, then it’s really a serious problem. And it’s a problem you have to confront by getting over your own ego.”

A lot of our feelings around jealousy come down to the way we’re built.

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“The underside of our brain, the limbic system, is pretty much the same in human beings as it is in animals,” says Thomas. “How we differ is in what we call the forebrain and that’s the big swollen part on top and in the front. And that’s the part that’s supposed to be overriding our baser impulses.” Thomas explains that our feelings of competition are ever present, but the rational parts of our brain kick in and make us ask ‘What am I fighting for?’ The problem is that our natural competitive urges can occasionally override those more rational impulses. “A lot of men don’t know how to talk about feelings,” says Thomas. “And they don’t even want to think about feelings. They think it’s unmanly.”

The problem is that our natural competitive urges can occasionally override those more rational impulses.“A lot of men don’t know how to talk about feelings,” says Thomas. “And they don’t even want to think about feelings. They think it’s unmanly.” As a result, people often find themselves jealous of their friends, neighbors, and family members especially at the holidays when the gap between “have” and “have not” is clearer than ever.

So what can be done to curb the feeling? Well, part of the problem stems from not having an understanding of yourself and perhaps having too high or low an opinion. of yourself.

“Each of us has to struggle to find out correct position within any social hierarchy,” Thomas says. “If you understand where you rank, that’s called humility. A lot of people think humility means low self-esteem. It doesn’t. It means that your self-esteem is accurate.”

Now, during the holidays and the office-parties, friend gift-exchanges, and other events, it’s easy to become a ball of rage about your place in this system because you’re likely going to come in contact with a parade of button-pushing a-holes. When this happens — and it will — it all comes down to taking measures to prevent your monkey brain from kicking in: talk to people who don’t aggravate you, avoid competitive board games, and so on. Also, be sure to steer clear of the booze in situations when jealousy can emerge.

“Each of us has to struggle to find out correct position within any social hierarchy,” Thomas says. “If you understand where you rank, that’s called humility. A lot of people think humility means low self-esteem. It doesn’t. It means that your self-esteem is accurate.”

‘The reason that alcohol makes people uninhibited is that it depresses the part of the brain that does their better thinking,” Thomas says. “So, as a result, the reasonable part of their brain is a little bit stupefied and the monkey brain takes over.” And the monkey brain doesn’t like losing at Cranium.

If we’re being truthful, jealousy, in some form or another, will rear its head this holiday season. There are just so many different variables. The most important thing to do in this situation is to calm down – make fists with your toes if you have to – and keep your competitive urges at bay.

“When people lose their temper, they’re basically throwing tantrums,” she says. “If people feel they have to walk on eggshells around you to keep you from throwing tantrums, they don’t respect you.”

If for no other reason, she says, keep your kids in mind. “They say that kids pay very little attention to what you say and a lot of attention to what you do,” notes Thomas. “One of the most important things in leadership is to model rational behavior. Be the adult in the room.”