In another life, Joe and Jane were very sexually adventurous. They experimented frequently and even went to a sex party. Now they’re busy new parents of two children under two. Their sex life isn’t what it used to be. Sure, each has fallen asleep during sex or leading up to sex. But, that’s a rare side effect of their busy new lives. “We were that and now we are this,” Joe says. “And this is amazing,” Here’s what the couple’s sex life is like now that they’re parents.
The Couple: Joe (35) and Jane (34)
Years Married: 7
Years Together: 12
Number of Kids: Two: a 2-year-old and a six month old
Location: Long Island
Occupations: Data Engineer (him), Account Executive (her)
You have an infant and a toddler. I imagine that’s had quite the effect on your sex life?
Joe: We’re definitely in the “sleep over sex” phase of our marriage right now. (laughs)
Jane: Definitely. But we planned this. We’re running around all day. Before our newest came, we were like “this is gonna be tiring.”
Joseph: They’re not kidding about the whole two-under-two thing.
Jane: Not at all.
So how often do you guys have sex now?
Jane: We try to make it happen at least once or twice a week.
Joe “Try” is the big word there.
Jane: Yeah. But last week we did!
Joe: That’s true. In the shower and in the bed.
Jane: See? We even did it at a second location. That’s rare.
Joe: But, right now, it’s not something I think either one of us is really thinking about. We make it happen when we can, but it’s not a priority like it once was. The baby is here and our oldest is very energetic and needs attention. So we have our hands full with them. And I’m at work most of the time and she’s tired when I get home. So, when we do have sex, which is most definitely on the weekends, it’s sort of like “oh, yeah, let’s try to do this.”
Jane: And it’s more of a let’s hurry up and do this sort of thing.
You’ve mastered the art of the quickie, then.
Jane: I wouldn’t say mastered it. But we definitely try to get it done fast.
Joe: Yeah, it’s more of a result of that’s just what our lives allow right now. We definitely don’t have moments to luxuriate.
When was the last time you had great sex?
Joe: Last week in the shower was pretty fun!
Jane: Yeah, it felt like a little vacation from the bedroom.
Jane: Oh, I was in the shower, the kids were napping, and he came in and surprised me. It was fun.
Joe: Yeah, the house was quiet I realized we had a minute, so I brought the baby monitor into the bathroom, and we got it done.
Jane: Got it done? Gross.
Joe: You know what I mean. We got down to business.
Jane: I know, I’m just teasing. We did get down to business.
Joe: It was also to make up for me falling asleep.
Jane: You did fall asleep.
You fell asleep? When?
Joe: A couple weeks ago I think? We were in bed and I rolled over and started kissing her and making my intentions known. But…
Jane …but then he fell asleep on my boobs.
Joe: I did.
Jane: It was actually pretty funny. It was only for a few minutes. But then he woke up and was like “what happened?”
Joe: That’s parenting in a nutshell. I think I had woken up, what, three or four times the night before? Something like that. Our baby is on formula. So, I usually get up at night to feed her.
Jane: I’ve definitely fallen asleep in the heat of the moment.
Joe: You fell asleep on top of me one night when Katie was little!
Jane: Oh, I definitely did. And I think you were…inside me?
Jane: What? We were doing it, paused for a second, and I fell asleep for a second.
Would you say your sex life is a bit more reserved now than it has been in the past?
Joe: Yeah. We met in college and were very sexually adventurous. We used toys. We tried to do it in all these different locations around campus. We had threesomes. We went to a sex party once.
Jane: Yeah, we were very adventurous. Sex was a big part of our life. We’ll get back into it. We’re parents. Our sex life isn’t dead or anything. We’re just fucking busy.
Joe: Yeah. I didn’t say it was. I was just saying that when we first started we did a lot of different stuff.
Jane: We did. But let’s not talk about the sex party.
Hey, maybe sex parties will be in your future.
Jane: No sex party talk! I’m a mom now.
Joe: Here’s hoping! But, really, our sex life was, and continues to be great. We’re parents now. It’s exhausting and incredible in equal measure, you know? We still try to have sex and will go back to who we once were.
Jane: Occasionally, we will. But that won’t be the constant anymore. It’ll be a break from who we are. Not who we are.
Joe: Exactly. We were that and now we are this. And this is amazing.