Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 8 Kevin Smith Quotes

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On the surface, Kevin Smith, director of dick joke classics like Clerks and Chasing Amy, podcaster of dick jokes on “Smodcast“, and a man who is always “baked as a cake” may not seem like a model parent, but he’s actually a f–king good father.

Recently his 16-year-old daughter, Harley Quinn, starred in Smith’s flick Yoga Hosers and went from his kid to his coworker. And when the Internet (and one scary “Uber” driver) tried to f–k with her, like any good dad would, Smith rushed to her side like a paternal caped crusader. After all, Silent Bob is no stranger to trolls.

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On Directing His Daughter
“There’s no more satisfying experience than being on a set, making a movie with your kid. All of this — my entire career up until now — was just the trailer; the precursor to this moment, where I could stand on set across from my 15-year-old kid and communicate something, this dopey, make-pretend thought, and she goes off and does it.

 

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On The Miracle Of Life
“I’m talking to something that came out of my balls! Now she’s on a set saying my dialogue.”

On What He Learned From His Own Dad
“My father taught me to weigh my words carefully, and speak up only when I had something insightful to add to the proceedings, or something really funny to say. He also taught me that if I couldn’t be that kind of guy in real life, that I could earn a healthy living pretending to be that guy in the movies — particularly when paired up with a long-haired stoner.”

On Keeping The Romance Alive
“My wife f–ks in a style I can only describe as “high school fun-tastic”: Even though I’ve been f–king this same woman for the past dozen years, she still induces in me the crazed hormonal hysteria I’ve only otherwise felt back in high school during those heady (and head-y) days of what my grandmother adorably dubbed ‘teenage titty-twistin’ and ‘freshman finger-bangin’.”

On Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due
“[My wife] Jen did all the important stuff. She shaped Harley into a really impressive baby woman, and now, young lady. I like my kid; I think she’s cool. And she reminds me of every pretty girl in my adolescence who suffered this rambling fat kid with a smile.”

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Fearing Your Kids Will Become “Assholes”
“The most rewarding is watching Harley become her own person. Kids are easy to love when they’re doing exactly what you tell them to, but when they start making their own choices … you run the risk of feeling like ‘Holy shit, my kid’s an asshole!’ She’s clever but not crafty. She’s smart but not a smart-ass. She’s setting the stage for who she’ll be for the rest of her life. And so far, I’m very happy with who she is — and happy for her, too.”

On The Family Business
“It blew the kid’s mind to see her mother firing guns and jumping over shit [in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back]. Even weirder for her was when Dad and Uncle Jay were hanging out with the Scooby gang. Then she went all troll on me and started saying “That’s not Shaggy. Shaggy wears a green shirt.” Everyone’s a critic — even my kid.”

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On His Daughter Dating
“I’m more scared for whoever’s gonna date Harley … She’s not spoiled but she is used to being well-cared for and the center of attention — which means she’s gonna keep some lucky guy or girl hoppin’ with all her dopey dreams and demands. I just hope [Harley] never settles for someone less than who she deserves. I have this dream my kid finds someone who’ll always treat her the way she’s been treated in this house: Like she’s the most important person in the world.”

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