It’s hard for me to admit this. Woof. Ok. I am a terrible Instagram Husband. There, I said it. I don’t know how it happened. I shoot at unflattering low angles, miss cute moments with my wife and son, and, worst of all, forget to post. Twitter is my choice for commode scrolling. I do not know how to properly use filters or if filters are even relevant in 2019. All in all, my gram game is weak.
Who cares, right? Just lurk like the rest of us! Take a picture of a quiche and relax. You don’t get it. When you have a baby and become a Dude Turned Dad, you are also having an Instagram baby.
Your parents, who can’t figure out how to unlock their phones, are suddenly hashtag-fluent. Your in-laws become J Jonah Jameson: “WHERE ARE THOSE PICTURES OF THAT BABY! AND SPIDERMAN!” Your wife takes a photo of the little dumpling next to a sandwich board and suddenly she’s getting triple digit likes. And you know you have to keep that gravy train going.
So now, I spend a day every month taking photos of my son. We force him into an adorable onesie and try to get him to sit still. I pretend I know my way around a DSLR camera. And then we post and post and post. My son is cute and he’s a good sport. But somehow, my photos never get better.
This month, I was done. I wanted to improve. I wanted to break the internet. So I did the only logical thing. I looked at some of the top celebrities with children and saw what they put on Instagram. Then I took a day off from work and copied them EXACTLY.
Well… not exactly. I did my best, got props at the dollar store… and shot everything in my apartment. My son and I had a lot of fun… and I think I learned the secret to dominating the timeline. You can watch the behind-the-scenes video above to get a window into what it’s like to be an Insta star.
The key to being a good Instagram Husband is pretty simple. Like everything in parenting it’s about showing up, putting in the effort, and trying to have a sense of humor. These pictures didn’t break the Internet, but they did make my wife laugh.
And that’s the only “like” that matters.