Hallmark invented a holiday and now we all have to suffer. But what does your partner actually want from you this week?


Dude Turned Dad Episode 29: What Your Wife ACTUALLY Wants for Valentine's Day - Fatherly

by Evan Kaufman
Originally Published: 

Love is a many-splendored thing. Valentine’s Day, the celebration of love, is a trash can barrel fire of a holiday fueled by dusty Whitman Samplers and hurriedly ordered online flowers. No one is excited about February 14th. Not You: the person who forgets and has to do something at the last minute. And not your partner who is waiting to be disappointed.

But I, Dude Turned Dad, am a romantic. So this Valentine’s Day/weekend, turn down the lights, open up a bottle of the second cheapest wine they had at the liquor store, and repeat after me.

Baby… this Valentine’s Day I got you the things you really want.

You’re a tired (insert spouse, girlfriend, wife, husband, lover here) who just needs a break. So we’re skipping the flowers and the chocolate. Here’s what I’m going to do for you:

I’m going to try something new in bed. Get out of it before you do, and let you sleep in.

I’m going to watch that show you like that I hate, and I’m ACTUALLY going to watch it and try to understand what you love about it. I promise, I’ll only look at my phone for like… half the time.

I’m going to find out who wrote the song Baby Shark… and murder them.

I’m going to take the trash out, wash the dishes, change diapers. And when I’m done… I’m not going to act like I won a Latin Grammy.

I’m going to listen to your work stories. Take in the issues you have with your coworkers… and even if an easy solution to your problems presents itself, I’m just going to sit back, sympathize, and say, “Babe? That sucks.”

I’ll be the Chip to your Joanna Gaines. Support you, work together to build something, and when we’re in bed, I’ll use the safeword: “Shiplap.”

This Valentine’s Day I’ll do the little things. I’ll address the small issues that we have, create a day free of stress. I’ll show you that I listen, understand, and respect you. Love is being seen, and on this day, you will be seen.

I won’t actually murder the people who wrote Baby Shark. But if someone does, I’ll turn it into a twelve episode true crime podcast that you can binge-listen to in a bubble bath. Cause you love a murder show. And I love you for that.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the moms, dads, and baby cupids out there. Now let’s go warm our hands by the chocolate and flower fueled trash barrel fire.

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