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7 Dirty Talk Phrases Every Couple Should Use in Bed, According to Sex Therapists

Let's talk.

Joy Velasco for Fatherly

Awkward silence is rough enough when you’re fully clothed. But when you’re having sex, the inability to talk dirty is a bigger missed opportunity than snatching some circa-2009 Bitcoin. Everyone needs a few dirty talk phrases in their repertoire. 

Dirty talk is a skill. It requires thought, patience, and practice until it becomes intuitive and effective. The best dirty talk phrases let you communicate to your partner that you want them and that let them know how much you enjoy what they’re doing. And they make sex all the better. While, yes, dirty talk can be a bit uncomfortable at first, the lingual leap toward lust is one that’s been proven to increase sexual arousal, spark passion, and create better more meaningful sex. 

“When you feel sexy and empowered and are being creative in your words and imagination, you are more likely to feel comfortable trying new things, asking for what you want, and feeling comfortable with your sexuality,” says Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida and the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes

But what are some dirty talk phrases to keep in the chamber? Below you’ll find suggestions from sexuality experts that you can try or tweak to suit your needs. Give them a go, because, according to Dr. Needle, “our biggest sex organ is our brain.” And, just like our other sex organs, we can lend it a helping hand.

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“Right there, that feels so good!”

First, there were the stars. Then there was MapQuest. Now there’s Google Maps. Are you seeing a pattern? Directions are the best way to get us where we need to go. And, the more specific, the better. “This type of phrase communicates exactly what you are enjoying, which is important for both you and your partner,” suggests Dr. Needle. Good sex and good communication are intertwined. “Everyone has different preferences, turn ons and turn offs, and we have to remember that our partners aren’t mind readers,” she adds. “Communicating exactly what we want leads to increased arousal and sexual satisfaction.” 

“I’ve thought about this all day.” 

Don’t just save this phrase for your cheat day pizza. Although, upon hearing it, your partner’s sex drive will sizzle, and you’ll both be craving delivery. Saying this phrase in the moment, per Dr. Needle, achieves a seemingly simple task: letting the person you are with know you have been thinking about them and, more specifically, have been looking forward to having sex with them all day. Who doesn’t want to hear that? 

“How does this feel?”

Usually reserved for dentists and chiropractors, this phrase is incredibly powerful between the sheets. “This phrase is short and sweet, but vital,” says Daniel Sher, clinical psychologist and sex therapy expert at Between Us premature ejaculation clinic. “Four words are sufficient to communicate to your partner that you care about their experience in the bedroom.” Think of it like sexual customer service, and work for those Yelp stars. “Dirty talk affects the brain differently than normal language, and this type of phrase can let your partner know that you’re interested in satisfying his or her needs, which is absolutely vital for deepening intimacy and improving your sex life. Listen, and allow yourself to be guided by their response.” 

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Giving your partner carte blanche and handing over the sense of power can open up new and exciting dimensions of pleasure in the bedroom,” says Sher. Phrases like this, he notes, are great ways to begin role-playing, or exploring the concept of control. “Someone who is high-powered in their day-to-day lives, for example, might get excited when their partner uses dirty talk to assert dominance, or vice versa,” he says. Just be sure to be safe, be respectful, and listen carefully. There’s a big difference between “Take me to the bed!” and “Tape me to the bed.”  

“I want to make you cum.”

As President Harry Truman once said, “selfishness and greed cause most of our troubles.” He may not have been talking about the bedroom, but the same rule applies. Dr. Needle agrees that being selfless in the bedroom — and being vocal about your intent to bring your partner to orgasm — is almost a guaranteed turn on. “It’s hot to know someone is thinking about your pleasure,” she says. “While there can also be some pressure attached to this statement, it is exciting to have someone focused on wanting to make you feel good. Hopefully, this sentiment will lead to comfort in trying new things, and being more open sexually.”

“F&@k!” 

Pardon our French, but there really are fewer phrases hotter than this one during sex, that also don’t take The Lord’s name in vain. “Say it. Yell it. Swear it,” says Sher. “Let your partner know the intensity of your pleasure with this wonderful little word. Conveying your pleasure in this way can turn your partner on, and the expression of this word can help break any emotional tension that might exist, making for a more intimate experience.” If your kids ask, tell them you were watching Casino.