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11 Dads On the Worst Groin Shot They Ever Received From their Kids

Getting whacked in the groin by your kid is pretty much a rite of passage for any dad. Here, 11 men talk about this very specific pain of parenting.

Much like sleepless nights and being touched by what always seem to be the stickiest hands all the time (why does it seem like kids always just finished a meal at Shoneys?), shots to the groin are a true rite of fatherhood. This, of course, is not news: Everything about little kids, from their flailing limbs to their flung toys are pretty much crotch level. Combine that with developing motor functions (and senses of humor) and your nethers are in the hot zone. It pays to be vigilant — and there are ways to defend your groin — but, believe us, if it hasn’t happened yet, your testicles will be smashed at some point. It’s a truth — and, as many dads can attest, one that leads to some pretty funny (and painful) stories. Like these eleven tales of testicular woe. 

A Baby Leg Got Me Right on the Money

“A friend of mine had a new baby. He and his wife came over to visit one day, and the baby — a little boy — was strapped to his chest in a baby carrier. The carrier seemed low, I remember thinking that. Like it was closer to my friend’s waist than his chest. At one point, I was talking to my friend face-to-face. I’m a bit taller than him, so my height combined with the carrier’s position put his son right at dick level. During the conversation, his son started squirming and kicked me right in the balls without warning. It was like releasing a wind up toy. I think his son was about 20 pounds., which doesn’t sound like much, but he was strong enough to glance me and make me double over in some pretty significant pain.” – Kendall, 43, New York

All Fun and Games…

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“Yeah, so, my son learned the ‘…capital of Thailand’ game at school. If you’re not familiar, you go up to a guy and say, ‘Hey, what’s the capital of Thailand?’ Then, before he can answer, you say, ‘Bangkok!’ and hit him in the dick. He’s in sixth grade, so I’m not surprised, but he definitely came home one day and pulled it on me thinking it was hilarious. I dropped. He cracked up. So did my wife. But, when I recovered, we had to tell him that it’s not appropriate to play that game with an adult, especially your dad. Really, it’s not appropriate to play that game at all, but I’d be a hypocrite if I said I’d never gotten my friends with it when I was 12 years old.” – John, 36, North Carolina

“I Blacked Out For a Second”

“This one probably isn’t too unique, but I caught a little league foul ball right in the sack. I forget how old my son was, but we were at one of his games, and I stepped in to be the third base coach. Sure enough, he lined one down left and it hit me 100 percent square. Thinking back, I’m pretty sure I blacked out for a second. I know I fell to the ground. There was a mixture of laughter and gasps from everywhere. The one thing I’m pissed about is that, somehow — and this was, like, only a few years ago — not a single parent got it on video.” – Matt, 43, Florida

The Force Was Very Strong

“I was Darth Vader. My son was Luke Skywalker. And he used the force…of a lightsaber right to my groin. We were play fighting in the basement, like good nerds do, and I’d just picked up these really sweet toy lightsabers. It was a pretty epic duel, right up until he swung for my Dark Side. The shaft of the lightsaber sort of hit me across the um, grundle area, so at least it was spread out, but it was still enough to call timeout.” Neil, 37, California

A Boomerang to the Boys

“My son hit me in the balls — with a boomerang. He brought one home from school that he’d won as a prize. I’ve never thrown a boomerang, so I had no idea they actually work. I guess he’d been playing with it at school that afternoon, so he’d gotten the hang of it. We went into the backyard, he chucked it, and before I could react, it circled back and caught me in the thigh/crotch area. I’m not sure if I was more hurt, or shocked, but I definitely had to collect myself. I’m sure there’s a ‘down under’ joke in there somewhere.” – Bill, 39, Connecticut

A (Mini) Drone Strike

“For his birthday, we got my son a drone. It was a medium-sized one with a camera. It was actually really sweet. Of course, he wanted to take some overhead pictures, so my wife and I laid down outside and he sent it up above us. It was like an arcade claw machine – he lost control and the thing just plummeted straight at my nuts. I didn’t have a ton of time to react, because it was difficult to tell that it was falling. And, even though it only weighed, like, three pounds, it fell hard.” – Marty, 39, Ohio

Tether Ball Is a Dangerous Sport

“I let my son watch Napoleon Dynamite with his friends. They loved it, especially the part where he smacks the tetherball around over and over. So, I built a tetherball pole near the driveway as a surprise. My son and his friends loved it. One day, I decided to jump in — I remember being pretty good at tetherball back in the day. We got into it, and I guess I underestimated how much practice time my son had put in, because he schooled me. And, to cap it off, the ball spun back around and tagged me in the sack twice. The first time was nothing, but the second time came out of nowhere and completely ruined me. I don’t play with him anymore.” – Collin, 38, Ohio

A Nerf Arrow Right on Bullseye

“Made the mistake of giving all of my old Nerf guns to my son. He would practice by shooting styrofoam cups off of this little target wall he set up, and he got really good. He and his brother would have Nerf battles all the time, and I always told them never to aim for the face. One time, I was walking across the kitchen and I caught some ‘friendly fire’ in the balls. It was one of those giant arrows, too. They both thought it was hilarious, but I almost threw up. Half from the pain, half from the shock.” – Robert, 43, California

A Door to Some Pain

“This one was pretty innocent, but it hurt like hell. My son opened the car door right into my nuts. I forget where we were going, but it must have been somewhere fun. He was super excited and just ran out to the car, swung open the door, and wham!! I was following him to make sure he got into the car safely, and I paid for it with a Barney-colored bruise.” – Joe, 41, Florida

The Shower Head Hit Me Head On

“We had just gotten a puppy, ‘Brownie’. She’s a golden retriever, so she’s just full of energy. One time she needed a bath. So, I helped my son set her up in the tub, and then let him to the dirty work. He was doing a great job until Brownie started squirming, and eventually just bouncing around everywhere. In the chaos, he lost control of the detachable shower head, and someone — I’m still not sure if it was him or Brownie — knocked it back right into my balls. All things considered, I’m lucky I didn’t slip and hit my head on the tub or the counter when I fell. It hurt pretty bad but, to be honest, the laughing my son did made the pain worth it. Even if it was at my expense.” – Gary, 44, California

A Swing Set Sabotage

“I built this awesome swing set in my backyard. Three swings, a slide, a mini jungle gym — the works, really. I was pushing my son on the swing one time, and he was starting to get the hang of kicking his legs. So he would kick them out in front when he went forward, and hook them backward when he went back. I misjudged my distance while I was pushing him because, on the way ‘back’ he chambered his legs right near the peak of his swing and kicked me right in the balls. It was probably partly his feet, and partly the seat of the swing, actually. Whatever it was, it knocked me to the ground. Happy ending, though — he stopped swinging and ran over to check on me right away. That made me smile. Even though I was probably in tears.” – Matthew, 42, Ohio