Who doesn’t want to be exceptional in bed? To have not just good sex, but to have great sex that completely satisfies your partner and yourself before, during, and after? Now, despite the hype, we all know that not all sex is good sex. The quality of intercourse varies with a number of factors, from mood to energy level to location. But striving to be better in bed — and improving your sex technique — is a noble pursuit. And a healthy sex life carries an impressive list of benefits for all parties involved. The better the sex, the more plentiful they are.
But for men who want to be good in bed, what are the sex tips to always keep in mind? Often, there is too much of a singular focus on the physical during sex and emotional connection becomes a second thought. Take, for instance, a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. Researchers surveyed 1,055 women age 18-94, all of whom identified as straight and from the U.S., about their experiences related to orgasm and sexual pleasure. Only 18.4 percent said that intercourse alone was enough to reach orgasm, while 36.6 percent said clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse. Another 36 percent indicated that, while stimulation was not needed, their orgasms feel better if it does happen during intercourse. Importantly, researchers noted that more than half of the women surveyed said that foreplay as well as emotional intimacy lead to better orgasm.
In other words, the best sex is about physical technique as well as emotional. Think about orgasms but don’t always focus on orgasms. Go ahead and work on that special “move” you’ve developed and think about sex positions. But also focus on having fun, sharing, and being emotionally present with your partner. It’s about balance and experimenting.
1. Use Your Mouth
No, not like that (trust me, we’ll get to that soon). We’re talking about using your words. Communication is key to any satisfying sexual encounter.
Be open with your partner about what you desire and prefer in bed. Either talk about it beforehand or use body language to guide your partner to what feels best. Remember, you can’t deliver them a good time if you don’t know what they’re craving, to begin with.
2. Now Really, Use Your Mouth
Or your hands. Or maybe your torso. Hell, you can even put your feet to work if that’s what gets your partner going. The point we’re trying to make is it’s important to diversify the sexual experience. Standard penetrative sex isn’t known for delivering sexual satisfaction to all parties. Research has confirmed that women typically require a variety of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm, like oral sex, so make sure to play around.
3. Take Sex Out Of The Bedroom
Surveys suggest that people tend to have more sex when on vacation than when they are at home. Of course, not all of us enjoy the luxury of being able to travel whenever and wherever we want, especially with the current social climate. So start small. Get it on in the living room. Or even head into the shower together. Small shakeups in the routine can have a huge impact on your attitude towards sex.
4. Put Sex On The Schedule
Spontaneous midday sex is fun but not super realistic as we get older and introduce kids into the mix. Sure, the idea of scheduling sex doesn’t sound super hot, but it can help keep things on track. Life is stressful. People get busy. And too often, sex is one of the first things to get bumped to the back burner, despite how important it is to have a consistent, healthy sex life. Putting sex on the calendar can help reposition it back on top. Besides, knowing what’s waiting for you, later on, gives you something fun to look forward to throughout the day.
5. Don’t Fall Into a Routine
Maybe you’re a creature of habit. Maybe you found a move you really like. Maybe there’s a sex position you typically gravitate towards. It’s good to celebrate the stuff you like. But try not to make that the only thing you do during sex. People crave novelty, especially in the context of a long-term relationship. Don’t let sex become monotonous. Make an effort to mix things up.
6. Embrace the Quickie
If you really want to make sure you’re getting a good share of sex, you might think about embracing the quickie. It allows you to enjoy sex and get on with your day in a timely fashion. You can always save the cuddly stuff for later. Think about employing the most convenient positions possible. Standing doggie is always a great option for folks on the go.
7. Do Some Sexy Research Together
Bringing new ideas into the bedroom can be a little intimidating. Do yourself a favor and invite your partner to join you on that quest. Watch some porn together. Read some erotica. Talk about what’s out there and discuss what seems appealing to your both. In that way, you and your partner can both avoid the fall out from any awkward rejection.
8. Occasionally, Try Getting Off Before Sex
If you’re worried about orgasming too soon during sex, try getting off beforehand. After ejaculation, men experience a refractory period, a span of time whereby the body can recover and replenish after orgasm. This obviously won’t be the way to go for men who struggle to finish during bed, but chances are, having a go at it alone will help some people last a bit longer than usual with their partner.
9. Remember: the Best Foreplay Begins Outside the Bedroom
Sex does not begin and end in the bedroom. Do your best to keep sexual communication up throughout the day, especially if you have plans to get it on after work.
“Foreplay begins the moment we wake up in the morning,” Jackie Golob, a sex and relationship therapist at the Centre for Sexual Wellness, previously told Fatherly. “We have to communicate our needs in ways that help us compromise, as couples, to please each other, make each other feel safe, and encourage us.”
So send out a sexy text around lunch. Forward over a suggestive meme. Let your partner know you’re thinking about them in that way, even when you’re apart. Flirtation is important to maintain within a relationship. It’s a fun way to punctuate the day. Hold on to that energy, when at home and when not.
10. Don’t Forget About Lube
No conversation concerning sexual accessories would be complete without mentioning lube. Now, women are able to vaginally self-lubricate, but often times it’s not enough. If you’re using toys, stick to water-based lube. If you’re not bringing toys into the mix, you’re free to expand your selection to include silicone-based products. Lubes are designed to reduce friction during sex, which can otherwise cause some discomfort.
11. Entertain Different Kinds Of Orgasms
This sex tip is oft-overlooked by men. Guys tend to gravitate towards penile orgasms, though it is important to point out that other pleasure centers exist, and are located inside their bodies. The prostate is known to produce such intense orgasms it’s been dubbed “the male G-spot.” It can be accessed internally, through the anus, or externally, via the perineum. The more open-minded you are, the more pleasure you might enjoy.
12. Talk Dirty
Talking dirty during sex can feel like a daunting task. After all, no one wants to sign up to feel stupid. But the reality is that dirty talk can really elevate the sexual experience. It allows you to communicate what you like and what you want to do to your partner in an exciting way. It also helps keep you in the moment. You might feel anxious about it at first, but once you feel more comfortable with it, the added vulnerability will also make you feel closer with your partner. If you don’t know where to start, take some advice from Dan Savage and “describe what you’re going to do, describe what you are doing, and describe what you just did.”
13. Try Out Some Toys For Her
A good majority of women require clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. And some like that stimulation to be strong. Like, machine-level strong. Think about picking up a small sex toy like a vibrator, one that doesn’t take up too much real estate. Try busting it out next time you’re having sex. It will give you something new to focus on and it will give her the intensity typically required to achieve orgasm during penetration.
14. Try Out Some Toys For You
Contrary to popular belief, sex toys aren’t just for women. There are tons of strokers, massagers, rings, and other accessories designed for men. The market has also expanded so as to include toys designed for couples to use together, during sex. Shop around, and see what you like. You don’t have to use it every time you get it on, but it’s always nice to have something on hand in case you’re in the mood to mix things up.
15. Explore Other Erogenous Zones
When it comes to getting better at sex, we tend to focus on the genitals. But the reality is that we have a multitude of erogenous zones on our bodies, and not all are located below the belt. Some folks find having the nape of their necks caressed extremely erotic. Others like having their armpits touched. Some people say nipple stimulation alone can drive them straight to orgasm. Remember, it’s important to take the time to explore all our potential pleasure centers.
16. Don’t Forget About Sexual Hygiene
Yeah, sex is supposed to be a little messy but there are limits to how gross you should get. If you and your partner are both fluid-bonded and monogamous, then you don’t necessarily need to worry about condoms and STIs, but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Make sure to wash your hands before and after getting busy. The last thing you want to do is introduce any bacteria to your partner’s intimate areas. And hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a clean penis, either.
17. Embrace Your Adventurous Side
There’s nothing wrong with good sex, no matter the variety. For some, “vanilla” play is most enjoyable. But others might crave something a little more involved. Talk to your partner about what interests you both. Role-play has proven to be an incredibly popular way to live out our sexual fantasies. Explorations into kink are another. Spanking can be a fun way to ease into sex. Some light bondage can also work. The point is, there are countless forms of sexual expression to explore. It’s important to remember that.
18. Try Solo Play Together
We know; it’s hard to keep your hands to yourself when naked in bed with someone else. But masturbating side by side with a partner can be a lot of fun. “Mutual masturbation” can help educate you on all your partner’s hidden idiosyncrasies as they relate to sex, and vice versa. Keep an eye out for what gets them going, and keep it in mind for the next time you guys go at it.
19. Do Your Kegels
Men can exercise their kegel muscles too. If you aren’t sure where to locate them, try cutting off urination in the middle of your stream. The muscles responsible for this action are connected to the pelvic floor. The stronger the muscles, the better control you’ll have over your erection, orgasm, and ejaculation.
20. Don’t Underestimate Her Pleasure Points
Our bodies are amazing vehicles for orgasm. Many women gravitate towards clitoral stimulation as a means of achieving orgasm. Some prefer internal stimulation, more targeted towards the G-spot. There are also women who enjoy cervical stimulation, which can be delivered through deep penetration. Others prefer to access their pleasure points through anal penetration. The point is, there are a lot of different ways to make a woman cum. Talk to your partner about her particular preferences, and act accordingly.
21. Sometimes, Forget About Orgasm All Together
It’s important to remember that sex is not a race towards orgasm. Positioning it that way takes away from the intimacy and intensity the experience can provide. Besides, putting too much pressure on orgasm alone can mess with your head. It takes you out of the moment and away from your partner, and that’s a perfect recipe for unsatisfactory sex. Try not to focus on the destination and just enjoy the ride.
22. Consider “Edging”
Orgasms feel good. Like, really good. This helps explain why we spend so much time chasing them. But delaying that gratification can really pay off in the end. Edging refers to a form of orgasm control whereby an individual decreases stimulation as they begin to approach orgasm. This allows you to enjoy a longer sex session with your partner and a stronger orgasm once you allow yourself that release.
23. Consider Maybe, Possibly Making a Sex tape
Watching other people have sex has become somewhat of an American pastime. On average, PornHub receives around 92 million visitors to the site per day. But why spend your time watching porn when you can be making it instead? For couples interested, it functions as a fun activity and a nice little ego boost. The thing is, keep your options open and discuss what might be fun. That’s the joy of sex with a long-term partner. Of course, before you go ahead with any plan, you’re going to need your partner’s explicit and enthusiastic consent.
24. Don’t Forget About Aftercare
It’s important to remember that sex doesn’t end after an orgasm. Embracing your partner after is also part of the process. A nice cuddle helps communicate intimacy and affection, and those are two very important things to prioritize in any relationship.