Parenthood forces you to interact with a lot of people you otherwise wouldn’t. This has a lot of benefits: your social circle expands and you form a lot of new friendships and connections that help you see the world differently. But it also forces you to deal with people you’d otherwise avoid. The obnoxious. The know-it-alls. The parent who stays too long after they drop their kid off.
Among these ranks are that kid. You know the one. He or she, whether because you worry about their influence on your own kids, their irritating behavior, or their past behavior, just gets at you. You don’t want to feel this way because, well, it’s a kid. A kid who your kid is friends with and you want your kid to have friends. But it happens. And your heart quickens and your eyes begin to bulge whenever you’re asked those six, panic-inducing words: “Dad, can [insert name here] come over?”
Just know that you’re not alone. In fact, pretty much every dad has that kid that they really can’t stand. In fact, we asked a dozen dads about that one kid they just can’t stand and they were quick to explain why. Now, many of these dads are understanding and use the kids in question as lessons for their own children. But they’re still irked by them. Here’s why.
This Kid Kicked Our Cat!
“I kicked one of my son’s friends out of our house for kicking our cat. True story. He just looked at our cat, and kicked it. He kicked our cat! It wasn’t a full strength kick, but it was enough to knock the cat over, and it was completely intentional. Maybe it’s Netflix’s fault, but I’ve seen enough docs about serial killers to draw my own conclusions. But he is not welcome back.” – Jason, 41, Ohio
This Kid Is Just a Bad Influence
“There was a friend of my son’s who brought out my son’s ‘baser’ instincts. I’m saying that diplomatically. What I really mean is that he encouraged my son act like an idiot. The last thing, I think, was challenging him to a contest to see who could get the most pizza slices stuck on the wall. That was in our kitchen. When I found them, I was more puzzled than mad, really. Like, who thinks of that shit? This kid, apparently. They go to different schools now, so my son doesn’t see this kid as much. But, every once in a while, he suggests having him over. No thanks.” – Jeremy, 44, New York
This Kid Thinks He’s a Gangster
“This kid in my son’s class is a typical, privileged, suburban white kid. That’s our whole community, basically, for better or worse. The problem is that this kid thinks he’s a street-raised gangster rapper. Like, really believes it. He works at the pet store, and posts Snapchat videos of himself cashing his checks and ‘making it rain’. He wears the sideways, flat-brimmed hats, diamond earrings, and all that. And, he calls people the N-word. And, yes, he does have a SoundCloud page where he posts all of his ‘rhymes’ about bitches and cars. He’s 14, and his mom drives a Kia minivan.” – Kendall, 44, New York
This Kid Broke a Bunch of Stuff and Hid It
“My son has a friend who’s not really a ‘bad kid’; he’s just super weird. He never says, ‘Hello’, or makes eye contact when he comes over. You’ll greet him and he’ll just squeak something out and scurry down the stairs. Plus, he’s broken things in our house and hidden them. Nothing super expensive or valuable, but I’ve found stuff like remote controls and some of our toys broken and stuffed under the couch. I’m sure I was weird when I was a kid, and my son’s definitely got his own…quirks. But this kid gives me a bit of the creeps. Like he’s always up to no good or something.” – Brian, 38, Ohio
This Kid Is Obsessed with Instagram
“Maybe I’m overreacting, but I’m really unnerved by the fact that my daughter’s friend has an Instagram account. The girl is like a once-removed Kardashian. Obsessed with makeup, clothing, boys, and ‘likes’. And that’s fine. But, it creeps me out — the fact that she’s made herself just so accessible to anyone. Her parents seem blissfully unaware and, like I said, maybe I’m overreacting, but it’s just not something I want my daughter to even think about doing. So maybe it’s not about disliking the friend as much as it is disliking the potential influence she could have over my daughter.” – Darrell, 40, Colorado
This Kid Is Just So Impolite
“Our son has a friend who is just so incredibly entitled. It’s little things, like expecting us to hold the door for him, never saying, ‘Please’ or ‘Thank you’, and demanding stuff rather than asking. Like the other day, he came upstairs from playing with our son and some other friends, and said, ‘Give me a piece of pizza.’ Like, what the hell? I said, ‘Did you tell me to give you a piece of pizza, or did you ask for one politely?’ He just stood there and looked annoyed. My son obviously likes him, but I can’t stand him.” – Marty, 39, Ohio
This Kid Just Talks. So. Much.
“The kid will just not shut up. Remember the Micro Machines guy? This kid has to be related to him somehow. It’s almost amazing just how much he can actually say without taking a breath. It’s the worst when we’re in the car. Somehow the sound just bounces off every window and creates this giant, pest-filled echo chamber. He does get along well with my son, and he’s a very polite kid. But you’d swear he was right out of a sitcom or something. His blood type must be Red Bull.” – Aaron, 37, Illinois
This Kid Is Very Smelly
“There’s one friend that smells. He’s a teenager, so he’s going through puberty, and I guess his parents haven’t introduced him to deodorant yet. I don’t feel right saying anything. And my son is embarrassed to bring it up. So it’s basically just waiting it out until the kid either becomes self-aware, or the parents notice it. It’s pretty bad. It’s B.O. that actually stings your nose. It’s a very sharp discomfort. I will say: it’s made me appreciate the fact that my son isn’t the smelly one. As least, no one’s told me that.” – Al, 44, Pennsylvania
This Kid. Won’t. Stop. Singing.
“Why does every 12-year-old girl think she’s Adele? My daughter’s friends will come over, and there’s one who, for no reason, will just belt out the words to a song at the top of her lungs like she’s a fucking diva on stage. She does it while they’re playing. She does it while she’s walking up and down the stairs. She does it in the car. Like, I respect the energy and enthusiasm. But, she’s not a great singer. She’s not even a good singer. She’s basically just yelling. There’s a difference. I remind her about ‘inside voices’ all the time, but she says sometimes ‘the music just takes over.’ Seriously?” – John, 36, North Carolina
This Kid Always, Always Has a Runny Nose
“We call one of my son’s friends ‘Snots’. It’s terrible, I know. But the kid always, always, always has a runny nose. At any given time, you can expect to hear him sniffling, snorting, or sneezing, with just a stream of mucus rolling down his upper lip. Of course, he wipes it with his shirt all the time, so that makes things even grosser. It’s not a cold. Or, if it is a cold, he’s had it for about a year. It’s just one of those things, I guess. I’ve seen other young kids with the same problem, just not this rampant in my everyday life. I might have to buy a rain slicker.” – Jordan, 35, Florida
This Kid Is Just a Bad Influence
“Our son has a friend who acts just like his dad. And that’s not a good thing. His dad is, to put it delicately, a douchebag. Just a smarmy, insincere ass. He’s the kind of guy who would pee on someone else’s toilet seat, and not wipe it up. Which, by the way, the kid has done, too. Or eat all of the Goldfish crackers and put back the empty box. Which, again, the kid has done. Just a lot of sneaky stuff. I feel like it’s just a classic case of bad influence, which is why I often insist they come play at our house.” – James, 35, Massachusetts
This Kid Smokes So Much Weed
“Our daughter has a friend who smokes weed. I say that presumably because we’ve never seen her do it. But, she reeks of it every time she comes over. For a while, it was the elephant in the room. So, we brought it up with our daughter. It’s actually given us a chance to talk to her about the subject. The reason I don’t like the girl is because she lies to her parents about it, and seems to have way more money than a girl her age should have. That leads me to believe there are some other unsavory aspects of her personality that I don’t want rubbing off, ya know? I smoked weed as a kid. But, at this stage of her life, I want as many of my daughter’s influences as possible to be positive. I’m very proud of the way she’s handled the situation so far.” – Carson, 42, Tennessee
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