Shut up and take our money.
The juvenile industry, known around your house as, “The people who make all the kid’s crap we have nowhere to keep,” is a billion dollar business, which might even sound a little light considering said mountain of crap. For the last 13 years, industry big bosses and upstarts alike have gathered each fall in Las Vegas for the ABC Kids Expo. While it’s true that dads today account for more parenting responsibilities — and purchases — than ever before, you probably didn’t plan a stop at the Expo around your annual college football betting spree. Thankfully, this list of the 9 coolest products on display at this year’s Expo exists, so you didn’t have to.
Quinny Running Stroller
Quinny finally revealed a product long anticipated by active dads: a stroller for true athletes, with sleek lines and a dual-facing seat so your kid can watch you or the road. Plus, the frame is similar to their popular Buzz model, so if you already own that you can convert it with a separately sold kit. Sorry, you thought the Longboardstroller was finally arriving stateside? A dream is a precious thing, skaterdad. Keep striving for that unreachable star.
Quinny Buzz Xtra ($480)
Mountain Buggy Juno Baby Carrier
You’ll still be the guy wearing the baby carrier, but you’ll be doing so in one of 4 ergonomically correct, medically approved modes (including the paleo-approved back carry!) — for both you and your kid. It also has a hands-through pouch, so you can maintain contact and not just let your kid hang in the breeze. Baby Carlos was never this comfortable.
This thing folds and expands into 30+ configurations like some sort of stroller Voltron. (Strolltron?) It’s got stowable baskets and totes, a second seat, a jump seat, space to carry 2 carseats, and myriad cargo holds, all of which can haul 150 pounds of cargo. You might have to move to accommodate your new baby and their winnebago stroller, but you won’t have to hire a van.
Safety 1st Outsmart Collection
Finally, a product that explicitly rubs your superior intellect in your kid’s face. These door, drawer, and cabinet locks have a decoy release button, so just when your kid thinks they’ve figured out how to access the snacks, you get the last laugh. By the time they’re able to activate the real latch with a 2-finger squeeze, you’ll have moved on to dominating them at sports and games.
Greentom claims to be the greenest stroller on Earth — pretty bold considering your stroller’s only emission is the one you’ll change your kid out of as soon as you get home. Presumably, they’re referring to the recycled plastic materials that comprise their strollers, which convert from Carrycot to Reversible and Classic positions as your child grows. Weirdly, of the 10 available colors, only 2 are shades of green.
FeverFrida is a bluetooth monitor that checks your kid’s temperature every 4 seconds via an underarm patch and buzzes your phone if it rises above a certain threshold. Because no man should ever have to choose between monitoring their sick baby’s temperature or maintaining the peace and quiet that follows your sick baby finally falling asleep.
From the makers of the most infectious Christmas commercial jingle ever written about a moose comes a convenient way to keep tabs on your precious cargo while driving. BabyCam displays a view of your backseat on compatible Garmin GPS units and easily toggles to map view. Built-in night vision lets your kid sleep in peace and lets you brag that your Subaru has night vision.
4Moms Infant Car Seat
Before every ride, this smart car seat automatically levels and tightens itself, and an onboard computer checks to make sure that everything is securely and correctly latched and fastened. Dual LCD screens confirm whether you’re good to go. In other words, it does all the stuff that you’ve gotten way better at doing than you’d ever thought possible, only better.
Sago Mini Friends
Sago’s open-play apps exist pretty much solely to, well, exist. Kids can play without specific goals to achieve, as in Sago Mini Friends, where the entire game involves walking around the neighborhood, ringing doorbells if you want to go inside and have a slice of pizza. That same experience is now available in plush doll form; although you should probably check with your neighbors before letting your kid randomly go door to door with their new toys, asking for pizza.
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