The Best Political Onesies, Bibs, Pacifiers, and Stuffed Animals For Babies of All Stripes

Suck on this, Lil' Trump supporter.

by Mike Jordan
Originally Published: 
political gear for babies

Every election season is about pandering to your base. So while Americans already know where Bernie stands on banks (he doesn’t like them) and Trump stands on immigrants (he doesn’t like them), nobody has really captured the baby demographic. But surprisingly, there’s lots of political gear for babies.

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Do your part by donating to your favorite politician, whether it be Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Marco Rubio, Bernie Sanders, or Ted Cruz, and turn your baby into a stumbling advertisement while you’re at it.

Trump Pacifier

Listen, this pacifier is great. Babies, they love this pacifier. And if those losers in the sandbox deny its greatness, they’re weak on immigration. Also, this particular binky has The Donald’s face on it so the message you’re sending out is “my baby wants to Make America Great Again” not “This billionaire is a giant baby.”

Buy Now $11

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Some Girls Are Born to Lead Kids’ Book

A story for every “budding leader,” this is one of the most recent illustrated kids’ books about Clinton’s life. It follows Hillary Clinton’s story as a young lawyer, First Lady, and Secretary of State. Then there were a few dark years of the marriage, a bunch of Benghazi hearings, that business with her email server…

Buy Now $10

Bernie Sanders Bib

Union-made in America, with a yuge Bernie logo, this is perfect for your little Democratic Socialist. A bib also perfectly sums up your baby’s inability to say “Hey, I may throw up on myself, but I have never taken a penny from big Wall Street banks.”

Buy Now $11

John Kasich Horse Keychain

Like Kasich himself, it’s soft, pleasant, and something that your kid will promptly forget about in a few days. That logo on the front says “I vote for John Kasich” in super-basic font reminds and will remind everyone that a) John Kasich is a registered candidate and b) he has the support of keychain horses.

Buy Now $7

Ben Carson “Future Neurosurgeon” Onesie

Dr. Carson doesn’t want your child to make the same mistakes he did. If your kids want to be both a neurosurgeon and President of the United States, you go ahead and let them. Also, if they want to chase you around the house with a hammer yelling about aliens and pyramids, you know they’re on their way.

Buy Now $14

Ted Cruz Coloring Book

The coloring book is described as “a non-partisan, fact-driven view of how Texas Sen. Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz became a U.S. Senator. Fun Fact: Most coloring books are non-partisan. Let your little one support all of Cruz’s positions in every shade of the rainbow. Wait, not like rainbow — Cruz isn’t down with that.

Buy Now $10

Marco Rubio “My Parents Love Me” Onesie

Grammar and punctuation aside, this cute onesie will remind other parents that nobody cares about all that nurturing they’re doing if they’re not on Team Rubio. Because, as your kids will soon learn, the greatest gift is a parent’s (tax-deductable) love.

Buy Now $25

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