Mischief Managed

30 Hilarious Harry Potter Jokes Even Muggles Will Understand

Expecto hilarium.

Originally Published: 
Harry Potter kids laughing, no doubt at one of these Harry Potter jokes.
Warner Bros. Pictures

Two decades after Harry Potter’s introduction to the world, a handful of developments now cause some longtime fans to view the Potterverse differently than they did the first time they met Harry. For instance, the actor behind Uncle Vernon supported Brexit, Dumbledore is gay, and J.K Rowling has been widely denounced as a transphobe.

But despite the ever-growing backstories and controversies birthed since the last book was published in 2007, the robust storylines and beloved characters of Hogwarts are still remembered by millions of Harry Potter lovers worldwide. And those that know the books the best also know that hidden within the story’s dramatic twists and epic battles is a lot of Weasley brother-esque silliness. With a made-up game as amusing as quidditch and characters as wacky as Mad-Eye Moody, it’s no surprise that one could come up with hilarious Harry Potter jokes inspired by Rowling’s famous books.

Below are the funniest Harry Potter jokes we found online for all wizard aficionados in the family.

1. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?

With quit-itch.

2. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?

3. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

4. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?


5. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?

A Volt-demort.

6. Do you like Harry Potter? Because I a-Dumbledore you!

7. Are you a Dementor?

You just took my breath away.

8. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

9. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?

Nobody nose.

10. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?

Because he was cursing in class.

11. Hows does Voldemort enter a room?

He slithers in.

12. What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?

Orange Is the New Black.

13. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

14. Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?

Because it was making him Moody.

15. What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school?

Finally relaxed.

16. Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?

Because it’s in the greenhouse.

17. How many harry potters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, he just stands there and the world revolves around him.

18. Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.

19. How does Harry Potter enter a room?

Through the Gryffin-door.

20. What is Aragogo’s favorite day of the week?


21. What is bigfoot’s favorite book?

Hairy Potter.

22. What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


23. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.

24. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

Because he’s a Longbottom.

25. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Arm-y?

Up his sleeve-y!

26. I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.

27. Why did Harry’s godfather rarely smile?

Because he was so Sirius.

28. How do you tell Fred and George a part?

Just don’t give them the whole.

29. What is the sorting hat’s biggest fear?


30. Why did Harry’s cousin start working out?

He always did want to be Studly.

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