Dad Jokes

The Very Best Roger Moore James Bond One-Liners, Ranked By Corniness

Nobody did puns better. Moore may have been the silly Bond, but that’s why we loved him.

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This year, the late Sir Roger Moore would have turned 95. In honor of him, and the dad-joke one-liner tradition of James Bond in general, here are seven of the best of Moore’s one-liners as 007, ranked by each line’s basic corniness.

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7. “I hear the price of eggs was going up, but isn’t that a little high?”

In Octopussy (1983), Magda (Kristina Wayborn) tells Bond that the stakes are either a stolen Fabergé egg or his life. Bond’s response is to scramble his egg metaphors.

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6. “Speak or forever hold your piece.”

In The Man With the Golden Gun (1974), when James Bond points a gun at Lazar (Marne Maitland), he aims it at his, well, lower area, and then delivers this pun threat.

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5. “He always did have an inflated opinion of himself.”

In the climax of Live and Let Die (1973), Bond uses a special gun with air-power bullets, causing Kananga (Yaphet Kotto) to inflate, and explode, like a balloon.

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4. “Same time tomorrow Mrs. Bell?”

In one of Moore’s most understated moments of dry humor in Live and Let Die (1973), he delivers this one-liner to a little old lady (Ruth Kempf) after briefly commandeering her plane which was supposed to be used for a flying lesson.

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3. “I discovered he had a crush on me.”

In Moonraker (1979), the evil Drax (Michael Lonsdale) tries to have Bond killed by a python. Later, when he asks how Bond escaped, Moore drops this absurd pun.

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2. “Stinging in the rain.”

In For Your Eyes Only (1981), when Q (Desmond Llewelyn) is showing Bond some of the latest gadgets, one trick umbrella is revealed to have a bunch of spikes on it. So, yeah...

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1. “Sheer magnetism, darling”

In Live and Let Die (1973), Bond uses his magnetic watch to unzip his lover’s (Madeline Smith) dress. Because she can’t see his hands, she notes Bond has “such a delicate touch.” A magnet joke FTW!

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