Michael and Mickayla have been together for six and a half years and have two kids. Their kids are pretty close in age — one is one year old, the other is three. So yeah, between work and the kids and everything else, life is busy for them. Very busy. Mickayla is out of bed well before the sun rises every morning to start her day as a personal trainer and Michael, who travels a lot for work, is often late to bed. Sex has been a bit of a puzzle for then. But Michael and Mickayla have come to realize that intention, planning, and scheduling time to be with one another is important. So are foot rubs. Here, Michael and Mickayla talk about how their sex life has changed after kids, and why, if anything, their sex life is better than ever.
The Couple: Michael (35) Mickayla (31)
Years Married: 4
Years Together: 6.5
Kids: Two sons, A 3-year-old, and a 1-year-old.
Occupations: Territory manager for a dog food company (him); Personal trainer and nutrition coach (her)
A toddler and a one-year-old. So you guys are really in it right now.
Together: Oh, yeah.
Kudos on having two kids in three years. Has your sex life changed?
Michael: One thing that’s changed is that we’ve had to find new ways to have sex, around their schedule, too.
Mickayla: It definitely changes the spontaneity of it.
Michael: Yeah, it’s like, are we gonna get it on tonight? Or are we planning a date night? A lot of that circles around figuring out our schedule as far as going out and having a date night, and that relationship, and that intimacy with each other. That’s way more planned now than how it was before. And then we just see what happens at night.
Mickayla: We definitely had more sex prior to having our first kid. Now, we set a goal of having sex once a week. It just seems like it has to be more scheduled. And I wake up really early for my clients, so I’m normally out of the bedroom by 4:30, 5:15, depending on my clients. It’s really hard when we go up to bed, and he wants to get into it and I’m like, “I’m exhausted, and I have to be up in 5 and a half hours.” That’s definitely changed.
Michael: I also think, early on, being with each other longer and knowing each other better, that the intimacy, today, is a lot better than it was back in the day.
Mickayla: Oh, yeah.
Michael: As far as understanding —
Mickayla: — each other’s bodies —
Michael: — what works, but also, it’s more than just the act of sex. It’s actually a lot before that.
What do you mean?
Michael: It’s that connection, and that time we get with each other. When we have the kids around we’re running in so many different directions that we don’t experience as much of a connection. When we really do have that time to just be with each other, it’s about connecting emotionally, talking. Sometimes it’s even just a foot massage.
Mickayla: We romanticize each other, or we try to.
Michael: When we were younger, early on, it was like, “Let’s just go!” It’s much more than that now.
Mickayla: Yeah, now it’s like, you have to be way more intentional with bed time. It’s more romantic now. We have a deeper love and appreciation for each other. We understand each other’s bodies better.
Michael: She’s like a fine wine.
It’s hard to have sex after changing diapers all day.
Mickayla: It’s also hard if you have young children who are still waking up in the middle of the night, and you’re like, Would I rather have an extra 30 minutes of sleep? Or do I want to get some pleasure now? The fact that you have to choose that at this stage sucks. But it’s a part of life after you have kids.
How often do you guys have sex?
Mickayla: Since I just stopped breastfeeding, my hormones are all over the place. I actually had my period for two-and-a-half weeks straight, so we haven’t had sex recently. But normally, it’s once a week.
Hormones. Crazy stuff.
Mickayla: They suck.
Michael: Yeah. Your body is amazing. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it.
So you say your intimacy has gotten better. What would you say was the last time you had amazing sex?
Mickayla: About three weeks ago. It was really great. And mainly, it was because right before we started he was like, “You’re going to get off three times.”
Michael: Sometimes, Mickayla likes foreplay, and talking dirty –
Mickayla: Yeah, like we’re still having sex like we’re 20 years old. Not rough, not like he’s gonna rip my hair out, but when he’s really into it, I like it. Not just the boring, get on top, do your thing, get off. I don’t want to have that kind of sex.
I bet it helps you both feel connected to your younger selves.
Mickayla: Oh, yeah.
What’s your favorite part of your sex life today?
Mickayla: We’ve been together for so long that I’m not in my head as much anymore. I’m able to have multiple orgasms, because I’m not thinking about what part of my body he’s touching that I’m insecure about, or whatever it may be. So that, over the years that we’ve been giving each other direction, I think —
Michael: It’s all a learning curve!
Mickayla: He just continually improves.
Michael: When I said she’s like a fine wine, it’s really true. I know it’s cliche — but knowing her body; and her when we didn’t have kids, and then when she was pregnant and loving —
Mickayla: He loved my curves.
Michael: Absolutely gorgeous. And now, after, she has the confidence that she got back to where she wanted to be physically. That confidence she has, that I always had in her, that’s been something that has really been constantly lighting a flame in our sex life. No matter where she’s at — in life, in pregnancy, in the different stages — we can match each other. That’s kept that excitement very high to me.