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Objects Are Closer Than They Appear

5 Iconic Road Trips To Take Before Your Kids Grow Up

American highways have inspired more great music, books, and movies than any other roads in the world because — as a system — they cover more iconic, gorgeous, and interesting ground than any other roads in the world. There are hundreds of amazing routes you can chart, any one of which will blow your kid’s mind with beauty, BBQ, or baseball. Here are 5 classics that will show them everything from the Grand Canyon to Big Sur and teach them the country’s history from Paul Revere’s ride to Martin Luther King’s Freedom March. Or, just say “screw it,” take them out of school for a year, and do the the whole damn thing at once. Your boss will be pissed, but your kid will think you’re a cross between Jack Kerouac and Clark Griswold — basically the coolest father.

Southwest: Grand Canyon To Moab

Starting with 277 x 18 miles of ancient natural artwork, about which Teddy Roosevelt (the guy who created the National Parks system) said, “Leave it alone. You cannot improve on it,” this route connects some of the most unusual terrain on the planet with vivid monuments to Native American culture. If you kid likes hiking or rafting, or just has a healthy obsession with Westerns, they will be slack-jawed throughout.

Key Spots You’ll Hit: Grand Canyon LodgeVermillion Cliffs National MonumentElephant’s FeetNavajo National Monument/campground — Goosenecks State ParkThe View Hotel/Monument Valley — Valley of the Gods/VotG Bed and BreakfastWild River ExpeditionsThe Dinosaur MuseumEdge of The Cedars State Park Museum, Newspaper Rock Historic MonumentSand Flats Recreation AreaDelicate Arch Canyonlands.

  • What They’ll Learn: Earth is old, like 4.54 billion years old and can look mind-bogglingly weird and beautiful when it wants to. Also, the Navajo are badass.
  • Off The Beaten Path: Abandoned Oil Products Building. Breaking up an otherwise uneventful stretch of road, this old building is interesting for all the graffiti painted onto it by traveling artists — drunken traveling artists, judging from the broken bottles everywhere. Wear shoes.
  • Best Time To Go: Fall

West Coast: San Francisco To San Diego On The PCH

On one of the most filmed and photographed stretches of highway in the world, renting a drop top is highly recommended but renting a surfboard is basically required (and they’re much easier to fit in a convertible, so …). Both ends of the trip are dense in pop cultural history, which is interrupted by several hundred miles of the kind of scenic beauty that gave rise 200 years ago to the phrase, “Go west, young man.” Make sure you drive North to South, or you’ll be craning (and veering) to catch ocean views from the wrong side of the road.

Key Spots You’ll Hit: Haight-AshburyGolden Gate Bridge — Half Moon Bay State Beach/Barbara’s FishtrapSanta Cruz Beach BoardwalkMonterey Bay AquariumPebble Beach GolfCarmel, CA — Big Sur/Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park/Post Ranch InnHearst CastleMorro Bay Kayaking — Cambria, CA/Outback Trail Rides — Santa Barbara/State Street Shopping/ParaglidingThe Strand HouseNeptune’s NetHollywood Walk of FameGriffith ObservatoryAquarium of the Pacific — Huntington Beach/Jack’s SurfboardsTorrey Pines State Park — San Diego/Safari Park/Coronado Island/Bus Tour

  • What They’ll Learn: What a perfect climate feels like; why the rest of the country will forever see California as a place to escape to and remake yourself; that Spiderman and Superman are, in fact, real and busking for change on Hollywood Boulevard.
  • Off The Beaten Path: The Museum Of Jurassic Technology. Arguably the world’s premier fake museum and definitely the country’s weirdest on-going art project, most of Los Angeles doesn’t even know this place exists.
  • Best Time To Go: Spring

Northeast: New York To Acadia National Park On Route 1

From the center of the universe (at least as far as New Yorkers are concerned) to possibly the most rugged, striking coastline in North America, this route covers the country’s 20th Century history, it’s 18th Century history, and some of it’s best regional accents. Seriously, your kid will love the trip-long game of “How many ways can you pronounce the word ‘Water’?”

Key Spots You’ll Hit: New York City/Statue of Liberty/Empire State BuildingMark Twain House and MuseumMinute Man National Historic Park — Boston/Fenway Park/Bunker Hill Monument/Boston Tea PartySalem Witch Museum GloucesterRachel Carson Wildlife Refuge Portland Head LightAcadia National Park

  • What They’ll Learn: The brave and ingenious colonists who founded America were the grandbabies of religious fanatics who burned people alive over evil magic, but they built beautiful lighthouses and invented the lobster roll, so they couldn’t have been all bad.
  • Off The Beaten Path: Desert Maine. You read correctly. This is not a sweets shop with cupcakes and fudge that’s missing an “s,” but a barren land of sand dunes in possibly the least expected corner of the country.
  • Best Time To Go: Summer

Midwest: Chicago To New Orleans

A straight(ish) shot through the country’s musical and BBQ heartland, this route will ensure you kid has a proper appreciation for the blues, country, jazz, and pork. Time it around the Indianapolis 500, and you can throw internal combustion engines in for good measure because — who knows — your kid might be taking this road trip with their own kids using hover bikes.

Key Spots You’ll Hit: Willis Tower Skydeck Museum of Science and IndustryIndianapolis Motor SpeedwayNCAA Hall of ChampionsChildren’s Museum of IndianapolisChurchill Downs Muhammad Ali CenterLouisville Slugger MuseumGrand Ole Opry ConcertWalkin’ Nashville Music TourBeale StreetGracelandNational Civil Rights MuseumStax Museum of American SoulCentral BBQ French QuarterSnug Harbor Jazz BistroFrankie and Johnny’s

  • What They’ll Learn: Rhythm. Dancing. The difference between between brisket and butt. Which of Elvis’s many periods was his greatest (Vegas, duh). Depending on the time of year, what a bare-chested woman looks like.
  • Off The Beaten Path: Insta-Gator. Haven’t you always wanted your kid to restrain a deadly beast with duct tape while an alligator wrestler holds its mouth shut? Now’s your chance.
  • Best Time To Go: Spring

Southeast: Birmingham To D.C.

The cradle of the civil rights movement is worth a visit under any circumstances, but plan your trip in the fall and you can combine it with the world’s most passionate sporting event: an SEC football game. From there, it’s a romp through some of the oldest historic monuments in the country, ending on the National Mall, where you’ll have to decide if you’re going to keep a straight face while telling your kid they, too, can grow up to be president.

Key Spots You’ll Hit: Birmingham Civil Rights MuseumThe VulcanMcWane Science CenterOak Mountain State ParkSix Flags Over GeorgiaMartin Luther King Jr. National Historic SitePiedmont ParkFox TheaterPeachtree Food ToursGeorgia Bulldogs Football GameForest Hills Golf Club Augusta Canal Boat TourSavannah Rapids Visitors CenterCarolina BBQAirborne and Special Operations MuseumColonial Williamsburg Historic JamestowneThe National Mall

  • What They’ll Learn: The history of the U.S., civil rights, which regions root for which football teams and why, whether or not you actually believe they can be president if they want.
  • Off The Beaten Path: 1897 Poe House. This lovely house-museum was the 19th century, antebellum home of Edgar Allen Poe. Not the macabre poet but a nondescript businessman who, could he have seen the movie Office Space, would have surely empathized with Michael Bolton.
  • Best Time To Go: Late Fall

 

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