Raising siblings is a challenge. In a perfect world, siblings provide each other with nothing but love and support. But we don’t live in that world. Parent know that being in a family rarely means being buddy-buddy all the time. And siblings can be particularly nasty to each other, sometimes within minutes of being extremely sweet. Brothers and sisters, in particular, have a specific dynamic that can be hard to understand much less navigate. They tend to be very different and have very different relationships with familial authority. The issues stemming from that can be very real and not very pretty.

That’s why Fatherly built this guide to raising brothers and sisters. We talked to psychologists, researchers, and parents to find out the best expert advice on balancing raising multiple kids. They’ll probably end up being best buds forever, it’ll just take a little work to get there.