Being a dad has one of two outcomes on your creativity: it either kills it completely or forces every ounce of originality you ever had into pithy observations and sly comebacks. Some of us keep these asides to ourselves, others test them out on our partners. But the bravest among us hit up Twitter.
Twitter is a social media platform that may seem to be primarily made up of confusing memes and wild youths, but there are a lot of cool parents on there, too. Or at least we think we’re cool. Dads use Twitter to share the funny, silly, frustrating, and truthful events that happen in their lives. Some of them are famous. Some of them are Twitter-famous. Some of them are both. All of them are funnier than any of us.
And whether you are a brand new dad or a seasoned veteran in the parenting game, it always helps to laugh along with these hilarious dudes who are going through the same wonderful madness that comes with trying to raise a tiny human being. With that in mind, here a few of the best and funniest dad tweets from this week, including wars being waged between dinosaurs, why some parenting is a lot like living in medieval times, and how a Dunkin Donuts parking lot can become the battleground of dad dominance. Enjoy.
[lots of yelling]
Me: Hey! What's going on in here?
6-year-old: A dinosaur war.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2018
Donut Mess With Me
Just alpha’d another dad so hard at Dunkin Donuts by backing into a seemingly impossible parking spot. Gave him a head nod after.
— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) September 25, 2018
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 27, 2018
Precious Cargo (Shorts)
I keep an extra pair of cargo shorts in my fanny pack and two extra fanny packs in my cargo shorts.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 26, 2018
Ye Olde Parenting Dilemma
Parenthood is like living in medieval times because you deal with plagues all year and are basically a serf to miniature tyrants.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 26, 2018
This Is My Jam
12YR OLD: dad, what's the difference between grape jam & grape jelly?
ME: well one's real cool & gets all the girls & the other's jelly
12: I hate you
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) September 23, 2018
Is This Just Fantasy?
My fantasy football teams have gradually gotten worse since I became a parent, but my knowledge of the Disney Junior lineup is getting scary.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 28, 2018
My four year old is insisting he'll only eat "monster food," and whatever that is, it's definitely not the grilled cheese my wife just made.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) September 27, 2018