Do you remember your honeymoon? Hanging with you partner, feeling the deep glow of togetherness (and sex, so much sex) and vowing to travel together more often? Well, your dreams of idyllic couples getaways are about to be shattered by a screaming, pooping, absurdly cute and adorable creature who hates planes and long car rides! It’s time for a babymoon.
Here’s the idea: You’ve been fretting over baby baloney for a while — from how you’ll pay for the kid to what you’ll name the kid. Now you need some you-time. A getaway to remember why you liked this person enough to fuse genetic materials and create a life. More than that, you’ll want to do it in style. And not at the local Holiday Inn, which you have to admit was your first thought.
Here are some babymoon destinations that — first and foremost — are 100-percent zika free. Beyond that, each allows for pre-baby pampering, togetherness and (if all goes right under the Hawaiian moon) so much sex.
Where To Stay: Travaasa Hana Experiential Resort
Why: The nice thing about a warm island is that your partner can basically just strap on a bikini and a sari and roll out. The nice thing about the Travaasa Hana is that there are plenty of places to roll out to. They offer guided meditation, yoga, private beach bungalows, jaw-dropping Hawaiian views and limited access to technology so that you’ll be building memories and thinking of each other instead of how to get the baby bump framed just right in your Instagram shot.
Where To Stay: Belmond El Encanto
Why: Santa Barbara is a fine beach community and, unlike Malibu, it’s safer for Dudes. The hilltop Belmond El Encanto offers private bungalow residences away from the downtown hustle and bustle. You get perfect ocean views with the convenience of being able to head down for shopping or sunset beach walks. The bathtubs are deep. The stone floors are heated. And the on-site spa offers facials, which she has generally refused from you … despite your skills with an avocado.
Where To Stay: Le Auberge Sedona
Why: The dry heat of Sedona should be nice and therapeutic for your partner. At the same time, Le Auberge offers a beautiful creekside refuge that cools things down nicely. Look for some top notch dining, an incredible spa and all the crazy sandstone beauty that Arizona can throw at your eyeballs. Bonus: Sedona is known for its mystical psychic vortexes. So maybe, for once, you will be able to read her mind like she always seems to want you to.
Where To Stay: Mohonk Mountain House
Why: This historic Hudson Valley resort looks like a rustic castle perched on a fairytale mountain lake. In fact, it’s a small city of indulgence. You and your lady can hole-up in a tower suite with it’s wood burning fireplace and epic views. Or you can tour the gardens. Or you can split up and she can enjoy the spa while you curse your way through 18 beautiful holes of golf. If that doesn’t suit you, you can always take a mule-drive carriage ride, jackass.
Where To Stay: Hotel Jerome
Why: She might not be into skiing while she’s pregnant, but that’s just fine because Aspen has tons to do all year ‘round. And also the place is gorgeous AF. Hotel Jerome is a historic landmark hotel and pretty much every room offers mountain views. It’s close to town to keep a walk-weary pregnant lady happy, but you can also hook yourself up with Mercedes through the concierge and take a mountain drive, which rocks.
Where To Stay: Le Bristol
Why: If you haven’t been to Paris before the kid is born, you’ll probably have to wait awhile to cross it off your bucket list. Le Bristol offers the Parisian experience in spades. Not only is there a triple Michelin-starred chef crafting food on site, there is a sunny manicured courtyard, an enclosed rooftop pool that overlooks Paris and the knowledge that your staying someplace pretty much everyone agrees is the best. True pampering. But good luck affording Pampers when you get home.
Where To Stay: Hamilton Princess
Why: Not only does it have the nickname Pink Palace (look it has something in common with your lady already!) it has pretty much everything you need from a tropical resort. Expansive ocean-front terraces? Check. No zika mosquitos? Check. A massive collection of famous modern and pop art. Check. Wait, what? And of course, there’s everything else babymooners need, including a luxurious infinity pool, so get ready to swim for a really long time.