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GWAR-ney The Dinosaur

Your Kid’s New Favorite Heavy Metal Band Is A Group Of Finnish Dinosaurs

Sick of hearing about how much better Finland is than the U.S. at school? Well, turn down your kid’s Raffi and get ready for another kick in the earholes: Hevisaurus is a heavy metal band made up of 65 million-year-old dinosaurs that cranks out lightly thrashing rock for 2-to-7-year-old Finnish metalheads. Before you ask, yes, they’re awesome.


Hevisaurus has sold over 170,000 albums (in a nation of 5.5 million, that’s real money!), have a record deal with Sony, and sell out whole tours for kids who don’t even need goofy over-ear protection because they thoughtfully keep everything under 86 decibels. You can’t even make fun of Hevisaurus for trying to “make learning cool” or some such nonsense, because — according to their producer — Hevisaurus isn’t trying to teach kids anything other than how much it kicks ass to be a diamond-studded dinosaur, while singing about stuff relevant to kids, like drinking milk.

For those keeping score at home, when it comes to international science, math, and reading tests, it’s Finland 3, U.S. 0. When you add kids music that looks and sounds like it was created by Rob Zombie while high on mushrooms in the Jim Henson workshop, you can make it 4 to nothing. Clearly, Finland is like donuts: is there anything they can’t do?

[H/T]: Consequence of Sound

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