Avengers “Bedtime Story” Finally Addresses Thanos’s Ballsack Face

Or in the words of Thor himself: "F*ck the Avengers."

Earth’s mightiest heroes are finally kid-friendly again, assuming you’re cool with jokes about ballsacks. On Monday night, in a special segment of The Late Show With Jimmy Kimmel, a swath of the Avengers cast read a “bedtime story” version of Avengers: Infinity War titled “Twas the Mad Titan Thanos.” And, though this wasn’t technically kid-friendly or appropriate for children at all, it was totally hilarious.

Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Don Cheadle, and Mark Ruffalo all took turns reading from the faux-book, which resulted in a ton of profanity, and at least three references to the fact that Thanon’s chin does really look like a giant purple scrotum. On top of that, the surviving Avengers also bickered about who was really to blame for Thanos winning at the end of the movie. On the one hand, it seems like Thor didn’t really come through. But, as Chris Hemsworth points out, it’s actually kind of Star Lord’s fault.

We still don’t really know what is going to happen in Avengers: Endgame, but we do know it won’t be half as funny as the video above. Because watching half the Avengers cast swear and make fun of each other, as well as struggle through a truly absurd “kid’s book,” is beyond wonderful.

Does “soot” rhyme with “Groot,” probably not, but that’s okay. Twas The Mad Titan Thanos isn’t even a real book. We’ve checked!

Avengers: Endgame is out everywhere on April 26.