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Jack Pearson? More like Jack Piercing eye contact, am I right ladies? He is so much more than a great father and husband, he’s a hot ghost dad, which is not something that could be said of his competition. This selfless yet stoic sexpot who was killed by a crock-pot on Superbowl Sunday yet remains a powerful patriarch and the ultimate DILF postmortem. If his mustache isn’t enough to make middle America super horny, his secrets will shoulder that responsibility. He may have a checkered past from his time in the Vietnam war, but don’t worry ladies. It’s just because he’s too good of a man and doing the right thing all the time gets complicated.

Eliminated: First Round