Kids love a good dumb joke and are quick to reward adult silliness with gratifying laughter. But coming up with funny kids’ jokes on the spot is tough. Even the most dad joke proficient among us can have trouble thinking of puns and funny dad jokes in the moment. If you love silly jokes and your kid loves (or tolerates) hearing them, what you need is an arsenal of corny kids’ jokes for spring, winter, and fall.
The secret to the best kids’ jokes is a deep commitment to ridiculousness. Good jokes for kids celebrate and revel in silliness over intelligence. They’re not afraid to get corny or rely on a pun that’s a bit of a stretch. The best kids’ jokes are light-hearted and fun but draw in adults with their clever puns. A funny kid joke is like ’60s Batman with Adam West: BIFF! POW! PUN! They’re good, clean crowd-pleasers.
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Food for Thought
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An im-pasta.
- Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: You strangle it.
- Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
A: Because they’re such fungis! (Fun guys, get it?)
- Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
- Q: Did you hear about the famous pickle?
A: He was a big dill!
- Q: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: No, you should just stick with turkey.
- Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
- Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeno business!
- Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?
A: To see butter-fly.
- Q: Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
A: He was stuffed.
- Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: A Lemon-aid.
- Q: Why do you smear peanut butter in the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam.
- Q: What do you call an attractive fruit?
A: A fine-apple.
- Q: What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
A: I’d be muffin without you.
The Science of Funny
- Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?
A: They make up everything.
- Q: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
- Q: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
A: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
- Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
- Q: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty!
- Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
- Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
- Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree!
- Q: How many lips does a flower have?
- Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
- Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: It was two tired.
- Q: Where did the computer go dancing?
A: The Disc-o.
- Q: What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
- Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
- Q: How did one one tectonic plate apologize to the other?
A: “My fault.”
- Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
- Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
A: Because it’s full of fans!
- Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a boogie in it.
- Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
- Q: What did the tired toilet say to the plunger?
A: I’m flushed.
- Q: Why was the sand wet?
A: Because the sea weed.
- Q: Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom?
A: Because it’s also called a restroom!
- Q: What kind of dogs come from the bathroom?
- Q: What did the poop say to the fart?
A: Wow, you really blow me away!
- Q: Why didn’t you hear the dinosaur going to the bathroom?
A: With pterodactyls, the P is silent!
A Joke in Any Language
- Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
A: He was just going through a stage.
- Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
- Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: It was framed.
- Q: Did you hear about the population of Ireland?
A: It’s Dublin.
- Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because every play has a cast.
- Q: What’s worse than raining cats & dogs?
A: Hailing taxis.
- Q: What kind of chocolate do you find in airports?
- Q: What do you call an international traveler that always stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
- Q: Why was the librarian kicked off the plane?
A: Because it was overbooked.
Howling With Laughter
- Q: Who did the zombie take to the dance?
A: His ghoul-friend
- Q: What do you call a rich elf?
- Q: What do ghosts like to drink the most?
- Q: What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?
- Q: How can you tell you’re in a vampire bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the donuts.
- Q: How do you talk to giants?
A: Use big words!
- Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
- Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
A: He didn’t have any guts.
- Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
- Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Their gnome work.
- Q: What do you call an old snowman?
- Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs?
- Q: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
A: He got a little behind in his work.
- Q: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
- Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep?
A: Because of his coffin!
- Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music.
- Q: What does a vampire take for a sore throat?
A: Coffin drops.
- Q: What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
A: “Robin, get in the car.”
- Q: What street do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends.
- Q: What is a witch’s favorite lesson at school?
- Q: What washes up on really small beaches?
- Q: What do you call an Australian boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
- Q: What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
A: Their crews were marooned.
- Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
- Q: What do you call the wife of a hippie?
A: A Mississippi.
- Q: What has 5 eyes and is lying on the water?
A: The Mississippi River
- Q: What is the smartest state?
A: Alabama. It has four As and one B.
- Q: What state makes the most pencils?
- Q: Why is it easy to remember the capitol of Alaska?
A: Juneau this one.
- Q. How do geographers figure out who to marry?
A. They datum.
- Q. Why did the map always lose at poker?
A. It always folded.
- Q. Which is smarter: longitude or latitude?
A. Longitude, because it has 360 degrees?
- Q. What’s 90 degrees, but covered with ice?
A. The North and South Poles.
- Q. What rock group has four members but doesn’t make a sound?
A. Mt. Rushmore.
- Q. What’s the fastest country in the world?
- Q. What’s the capital of Alaska?
A. I don’t — that’s why I asked you!
- Q. What did the ocean say to the beach?
A. Nothing — it just waved.
- I met a cartographer who was also a spider. He made web-based maps.
- My friend is an expert reading maps. He’s a legend.
- My friend has been scribbling something on his boat for hours. I’m sure he’s plotting something.
Jokes for Hyenas
- Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
- Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
- What did the duck say after she bought the lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
- Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot.
A: A carrot.
- Q: What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?
A: A bagel.
- Q: What do you call a magic dog?
A: A Labracadabrador.
- Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet?
- Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Cancel its credit card.
- Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
A: A meow-tain.
- Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.
- Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
- Q: What do sharks say when something cool happens?
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
- Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?
A: It’s much easier than walking!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
- Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.
- Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.
- Q: Where do sharks go on vacation?
- Q: What is a chicken’s least favorite day?
- Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don’t like fast food.