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I Have Proof That Choosing To Never Snoop On My Kids Was The Right Strategy

Good Luck Charlie

The following was syndicated from Quora for The Fatherly Forum, a community of parents and influencers with insights about work, family, and life. If you’d like to join the Forum, drop us a line at

Have you snooped on your child?

You should not snoop. Why do you think you have the right? I raised my children with the concepts of mutual respect and understanding other’s boundaries. When you snoop you defy a whole list of great lessons your child should understand and respect.

There have been numerous times I was concerned about my kid’s behaviors and what they were doing and with whom. I simply asked them, and received straight forward responses. If you raised your children with mutual respect and a lack of fear of judgement you can have honest and open conversations.

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For example, I had was very firm about issues like drinking-driving or getting into a car with someone impaired. However, I had an agreement with my kids, I would pick them up without asking questions where ever they were if they felt they could not drive. I was called out of a cocktail party at 11:00 PM to pick up my 17-year-old because he felt he couldn’t drive. He was thrashed drunk.

The only question I asked him was he only drunk or had he also been taking other substances that might be a problem with alcohol. He admitted he smoked some weed, but he was primarily drunk. I knew from that night, he trusted me. It made be feel a lot better as a parent and reduced my worrying knowing he would call when in trouble. I didn’t need to pressure or snoop to get answers I wanted.

Russell Back is trained as a School Psych/Counselor with over 25 years of experience. Read more from Quora below: