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Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 9 ‘Star Wars’ Quotes

Well people, it’s finally time to stop hyperventilating about teasers and toy-powered droids (droid-powered toys?), and start hyperventilating about seeing the actual, in theaters resurrection of the most beloved science fiction film franchise of all time. Whether your kid can school you on the Clone Wars or can’t see over Yoda’s shoulder yet, commit these 9 tidbits of parenting wisdom to memory now. Then, dispense them in terrible character voices while you’re waiting in line — it’s embarrassing as hell for your kid and entertaining as hell for you.

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” — Obi-Wan Kenobi, Return Of The Jedi

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When They Said It:
Obi-Wan is explaining to Luke his family history and George Lucas is planting seeds among the fanboys for the many prequels to come.

When You Can Use It:
Any time the kid disagrees with you, their mother, their sibling, their teacher — pretty much anyone until they’re old enough to get the reference when you say, “That’s just like your opinion, man.” It’s also useful in the event that you have to explain the whole “That girl you have a crush on is actually your twin sister, from whom you were separated at birth” thing.

“Watch your mouth kid, or you’ll find yourself floating home.” — Han Solo, A New Hope

When They Said It:
The Millenium Falcon is trying to outrun two huge star destroyers and Luke is displaying a less-than-Solo-like level of calm.

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When You Can Use It:
The next time you get fed up with being asked, “Are we there yet?”

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.” — Darth Vader, A New Hope

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When They Said It:
The rebels have stolen the Death Star schematics and the imperial leaders are suggesting that Darth Vader may have blown it. Darth chokes back their dissent real quick.

When You Can Use It:
You want your kid to view you as a reliable provider of security and support, even when things get dicey. So the next time the dark side of the Force steals the wifi signal and you’re trying to get systems back online while your kid is all, “Where’s my Angry Birds?”, this Darth Vader classic is a go-to. Modified cyborg heavy breathing is option.

“The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” — Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace

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When They Said It:
Jar Jar Binks nearly gets Qui-Gon killed just by opening his stupid mouth, marking the first of many times he tries to single handedly ruin the entire Star Wars franchise.

When You Can Use It:
Any time their tendency to be impressed with themselves exceeds the actual insight of what they’re talking about. So, basically, anytime between when they start vocalizing sounds and when they graduate from high school. In retrospect, this may be the single most useful Star Wars quote in all of parenting.

“Who’s the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?” — Obi-Wan Kenobi, A New Hope

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When They Said It:
Luke, Han, and Kenobi have smuggled themselves aboard the Millenium Falcon to momentarily escape imperial capture, but Han’s not so convinced they’re getting off the Death Star.

When You Can Use It:
Your kid said a bad word or ate a handful of dirt or did something else Jar Jar Binks-ish because all the other kids were doing it. It’s the Obi-Wan version of the “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” line that your own parents fed you about peer pressure, and you can use it without feeling like you’ve turned into them.

“Great, kid! Don’t get cocky.” — Han Solo, A New Hope

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When They Said It:
Luke just blasted his first Tie Fighter and he practically wants a medal for it.

When You Can Use It:
Sort of like Qui-Gon Jinn’s bit about speaking, this is the all-purpose Star Wars line for keeping your kid humble as they start to excel at soccer or the saxophone or spelling bees — anything that involves winning something. Delivery is key, so practice striking the perfect amount of sincere enthusiasm with jaded caution.

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

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When They Said It:
Yoda wants Luke to repark his X-Wing fighter because it’s taking up his own spot in front of the mud hut.

When You Can Use It:
Without question the most obvious parenting line in all of Star Wars. If you haven’t used this already, this article is most likely lost on you.

“Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.” – Yoda, Attack of the Clones

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When They Said It: Obi-Wan interrupts one of Yoda’s Jedi training sessions to seek his counsel. One of the the younglings inexplicably figures out how Obi-Wan can find the missing planet he’s seeking.

When You Can Use It: After you feel bad for using the Qui-Gon Jinn line.

“GGGWARRRHHWWWW.” — Chewbacca

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When They Said It:
Pretty much always.

When You Can Use It:
Your kid has devolved from a sentient humanoid into a screaming beast (for any number of reasons — who really knows at this point?) and your only hope for communication is getting on their level. Remember, it’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.