humor
They're Just Like Us!

Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 8 Celebrity Quotes From Late Night TV

This might burn your ass a bit, given how diligently you’ve been plowing through all those parenting books, but it turns out everything you need to know about parenting can be learned on late night TV. Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, and David Letterman are parents themselves and probably know a thing or 2 about it, but their real genius lies in getting Hollywood stars to open up about their own parenting trials and tribulations. It turns out, celebrities really are just like us: under appreciated and over served.

Ben Affleck To Jimmy Fallon On The Difference Between Boys And Girls

“I went around my whole life thinking I was more or less as smart as women. And then I had kids and I couldn’t have been more wrong. Like, my son? He just runs into walls. My daughters; they, like, build things like McGyver, they can read, and my son’s like ‘DAYHERMPH!'”

Mila Kunis To Conan O’Brien On What You Want Them To Be When They Grow Up 

“I think if it were up to [Ashton our daughter] would become the first professional football coach, specifically for the Chicago Bears. That is what he is molding her to, by forcing her to watch football every Sunday, Monday night, and Thursday night. I’m not kidding everybody. This child has worn a Chicago Bears onesie every Sunday of her life, every Monday night of her life, and every Thursday night of her life.”

Bill Murray To Jimmy Kimmel On Dealing With Infant Gas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=4&v=hp_p7_Lh8IE

“When the kid first eats solid food, which usually happens around 6 months, when you’re at the bottom of fatigue alley, and they scream? It’s gas. They don’t know what it is and they scream uncontrollably and you think ‘We’re going to the hospital,’ but somehow I learned that peppermint breaks up gas. So I just went and got a candy cane and stuck it between my fingers and stuck it in my kid’s mouth and the kid sucks the peppermint and it’s seconds. It’s like a minute tops.”

Molly Sims To Seth Meyers On How Kids Change Socializing

980x

“You life does change. I mean, he’s amazing and we love him and he’s wonderful but the phrase ‘freedom without guilt’ goes away. So like my husband, instead of saying, ‘I got totally wasted,’ he’ll say something like, ‘I got totally over served.'”

Conan O’Brien To David Letterman On The Dangers Of Low Blood Sugar

“I have a 6-year-old boy, Beckett, and you’ve been through the boy phase where they’re great and then they just dissolve into tyrannical rages like Stalin. They become Stalin. They become insane dictators in seconds if they haven’t had their food. When their blood sugar level falls below a certain point they’ll kill me and all of you to get what they want.”

Michelle Obama To David Letterman On The Difference Between Siblings

ee8d6e9c722c760ef61103cb4e635553f3ce76afac9c1a46dd7997121205819d

“We have one who [is generally even keeled] and we have one who we call our Grumpy Cat. Our Salty Biscuit. You just never know what you’re going to get with that one. I’m not saying [which one that is] but they know who they are.”

Adam Carolla To Jimmy Kimmel On Protecting Their Innocence

228466cb8c324a44942a5c79212c270dad5c8dfec4a2fa8894462082e82ef762

“We’re watching [the Jimmy Kimmel monologue] and he turns to me at a certain point and he says, ‘Daddy, what’s a Kardashian?’ And I thought, ‘I’m dipping you in liquid nitrogen and we’re moving to Amish country.'”

Rachel Dratch To Seth Meyers On Healthy Eating Habits

“My kid will like only eat pizza and chicken nuggets. But my secret is, if I’m like making some pasta or something, I’ll throw some secret broccoli in there. And then you know what I saw on the playground? I saw a kid eating plain cauliflower out of a Tupperware. That is just bizarre, A, and, B, you’re just showing off now.”

Read More