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Watch These Woke School Bullies Enforce Social Distancing In Brilliant Comedy Video

"As soon as this pandemic is over I'll come at you!"

The success of reopening brick-and-mortar schools is dependent it is on the students themselves. Physical barriers between desks, mask mandates, and upgraded HVAC systems are all well and good, but if kids don’t take the proper precautions a COVID-19 outbreak seems inevitable. And that’s a lot to ask of young people who don’t even have fully developed frontal lobes.

Comedian Karan Menon knows this, and in a new video called “Woke school bullies during COVID” he imagines what it would be like if hormonal, aggressive teenagers acting as mature as the adults pushing to reopen schools ASAP apparently think they are. It’s not realistic, which is the point.

Menon plays both parts in the video, which captures a hallway argument between two students. It begins with each threatening “I’ll come at you, bro,” with neither actually taking a step towards the other.

“You must be out of your mind if you think I’m gonna risk having a crowd gather around this fight as they inevitably do,” one says, eliciting the comeback: “The level of social distancing would be extremely low. Like your grades!”

The conversation then turns to a 90-year-old grandfather with a lung condition and a family business that tried and failed to get a Paycheck Protection Program loan.

“A lot of that money got taken up by billionaire-backed corporations when it was supposed to go to small businesses,” says Menon. “And you know how I feel about small business!”

“The backbone of this economy!” the other concurs belligerently.

“I’d knock the shit out of your backbone if Dr. Fauci was okay with it!”

The guys eventually agree to put on masks and, realizing that their shared commitment to COVID-19 safety, set aside their tempers and become friends. It’s a very mature way to end a conflict, more mature than you can expect real-life teenagers to be after a summer cooped up at home.