Earlier this week, Toys ‘R’ Us announced that it was closing all of its stores. Geoffrey the Giraffe, the company’s longtime mascot, is not taking the news well. The iconic giraffe made an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night and was in full meltdown mode, crashing Jimmy’s monologue to reveal his complete devastation at the news of the store’s closing.
At first, Geoffrey tried to pretend like everything was cool, despite being one of 30,000 employees about to lose their jobs. He was all smiles as he walked out and greeted Kimmel, letting the host know that he was just fine despite the recent news. However, things quickly took a dark turn as Geoffrey asked the audience whether they liked toys, before telling them that he no longer has any. Geoffrey was overwhelmed with emotion and dropped to his knees and unsuccessfully tried to hold back tears.
In an attempt to console Geoffrey, Kimmel told him that everything would be okay. This only made the anthropomorphic giraffe angry. Geoffrey furiously replied, “No it’s not [okay], because all of you bitches bought toys off Amazon. Now I’m out of a job!”
The already sad story became downright tragic when Kimmel said he could smell alcohol on Geoffrey’s breath and asked if he had been drinking. Geoffrey admitted that he had gotten drunk in order to deal with the pain, and then he began to sing a heartbreaking rendition of “I Don’t Want to Grow Up (I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us Kid)” before heading off to begin his job search.
Geoffrey’s despondency is understandable, as he has been the face of the Toys ‘R’ Us empire for decades. Let’s just hope he’s able to put down the bottle and embrace the future, rather than cling to the past.