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The Taco Cleanse Is A Vegan, Tortilla-Based Diet For Mexican Food Lovers

flickr / Vancouver Bites!

With the more water diet, the all-pizza diet, the french fry diet, the wine diet, and even the pancakes diet, you have very few excuses to hold onto your inflated dad bod in the new year. If those don’t work for you, a team of “vegan taco scientists” (which equal one regular scientist supreme) have developed the Taco Cleanse — a diet that promises to “change your life,” while letting you go seemingly off the rails.


Once you read the fine print, it’s clear that the Taco Cleanse isn’t exactly the whole enchilada (or anything more than a satire of fad diets). But, you could do worse than eating an entirely plant-based meal plan that’s mostly beans, guacamole, and tortillas for 30 days. With more than 75 vegan (sorry) recipes, the book shows you how to make healthier corn and flour tortillas, which inexplicably can have tater tots put in them. The cleanse comes with supplements for margaritas that will make your life “more fun” and help you make “more friends,” according to their website. Neither of which sound all that appealing for a guy with kids.

Apparently others are onboard with the Taco Cleanse based on these halfway decent Amazon reviews. But note that for a bunch of taco scientists, their research doesn’t hold up under scientific scrutiny. How can it improve chances of getting pregnant and increase the efficacy of birth control? And do you really want your chakras to become “realigned into an optimal taco pattern”? It makes sense the dudes are from Austin, because this is all very weird. But tacos are delicious. Maybe you should stick with something proven, like the Taco Bell Cleanse.