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Stop Throwing Cheese at Your Babies, You Monsters

We can't believe we have to say this.

Twitter / @unclehxlmes

It’s hard to tell what the internet will find entertaining on a given day. It might be something amazing, like a Star Wars supercut made by the star of That ’70s Show, but it often seems that the most inane nonsense — the Bird Box Challenge comes to mind — rises to the top. In the tradition of the latter, the latest trend, that we still can’t believe is a thing, is “cheesing” babies.

Patient zero appears to be Twitter user @unclehxlmes. At 5:01 a.m. yesterday, he posted a video that shows his right hand holding a piece of gelatinous American cheese (or an artificial version thereof). He walks up to his baby brother sitting in a high chair and stops. The child peers up at him, eyes wide, sippy cup in hand. The cheese is thrown, hitting the kid in the face and sticking there, blocking his right eye and cheek but leaving his left eye and mouth to express startled confusion.

The six-second video has been viewed nearly nine million times and garnered over 236,000 retweets, 666,000 likes, and scores of imitators that can be easily found with a cursory search of Instagram or Twitter. We’d post more here, but they’re all the same.

The appeal of cheesing seems to come from the sadism of the cheese thrower and, by extension the video viewer, at seeing the confused reaction of the kid. It probably won’t result in any lasting trauma, but we can’t imagine these babies will be super psyched about having been humiliated on the internet when they’re old enough to understand it.

Our proposal: if you have to cheese someone, cheese your dog. Dog cheesing, which was briefly popular in November, produced much more entertaining videos. Some dogs ignore the cheese, some immediately to scarf it up, and some adorably struggle to reach it when it lands smack dab in the center of their back. They also feel less exploitative and are way more adorable, because dogs.