Last night, late night host Seth Meyers went on a passionate and hilarious rant against households who force guests to take off their shoes when they come over for holiday parties or other seasonal festivities. Unfortunately, Meyers’ “sixty-second obscenity-laced tirade about shoes-off households, and how, in his opinion, they are oppressive and patronizing” was deemed inappropriate by the network fat cats. Possibly because of the swearing, possibly because some people come from cultures where taking off your shoes is considered respectful. Either way, a narrator kindly filled the viewers in on why Meyers feels so much anger every time he arrives at someone’s house only to be told to get his shoes off or hit the road.
According to the narration, Meyers pulled no punches in his attack on shoe-free households, referring to them as “little tyrant kingdoms run by vacuum-horny crumb nazis.” He voiced his offense that these no-shoe types are assuming he is going to track dog poop into their home, but Meyers explained that if he is going to bring dog poop into someone else’s house, he’ll do it the way he was raised to: In a tiny box, wrapped in a beautiful bow. Meyers then used the slippery slope argument to perfection, speculating that shoes-off households might soon be asking him to take off his shirt or give them his wallet. Meyers finally noted that there is always a risk of losing your shoes by the end of the night ⏤ because accidentally wearing someone else’s shoes apparently happens to him a lot.
We’ve all had that moment where we arrive at a friend or neighbor’s house for a holiday party only to be asked to remove our shoes before entering the home. For most, it’s a minor inconvenience that doesn’t merit a second thought. For those like Meyers, it is a bewildering request that defies any semblance of logic or reason. So if you are a shoe-free household and you’re thinking of throwing a New Year’s or Christmas party, you probably want to leave the Meyers family off your guest list.