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The Royal Baby Has a Cat Name

Down with the monarchy. Anarchy in the U.K.!

Kate Middleton and Prince William have announced the name of their third child, a baby boy now named Louis Arthur Charles. The newest royal name is Pronounced loo-ee, the newest royal name is notably French and notably attached into the infant that now sits (or more likely lies down) fifth in line to the throne. It is also a very good name for a cat. It’s like if you’re scolding a cat and using it’s full name, as in, “Louis Arthur Charles stop pissing on the settee!” This is not a criticism of the royal naming decision per se, but an acknowledgment of a clear fact that the mainstream media is pointedly failing to acknowledge: The prince has a cat name.

There is a great deal of family history behind the name. Louis is a part of Prince William’s full name William Arthur Philip Louis as well as Prince George’s, George Alexander Louis — which are arguably feline influenced as well. It could also be a tribute to Queen Elizabeth’s husband Prince Philip, whose grandfather was Prince Louis Alexander of Battenberg. According to a 2011 article in Vet Street, a publication that exists, Louie is also a popular name for cats. Pet naming experts, who also exist, suspect the enthusiasm for the name has to do with a trend towards shorter, more classic names that also affected humans.

It may have also been promoted as, once again, a cat name by the well-publicized death of the infamous two-faced cat named Frank and Louie, who passed away in 2014 at the ripe old age of who cares.

A deeper dive into cat naming trends suggests that royals are not so much named after cats, but the other way around. Members of the modern monarchy are at are increased risk for having the names of adorable animals because more and more people seem to be giving their house pets regal names. There are a lot of cats named, for instance, Lancelot, which ranked on Better Homes and Gardens’ list of cat names for boys. Though no studies have yet confirmed that the owners of all these Lancelots are obnoxious people, it seems like a fairly safe bet because they named their cats Lancelot.

The irony, of course, is that the members of the House of Windsor have pet names because pet names and old-timey human names are now the same thing. The solution here is pretty easy. Give royal babies modern human names. The next kid should be Jackson or Liam or something a bit more trendy. There was, after all, a first King Louis. You know who named that guy? His dad, Charlemagne, who wasn’t afraid to be creative and didn’t go around giving his children the names more commonly associated with aurochs.

Which brings us back to the original point that Louis Arthur Charles is a cat name and, more specifically, a tuxedo cat name — a truly great name for a fancy feline.

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It’s not Prince Louie’s fault that his name is decidedly more cat-like that his sibling George Alexander Louis and Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, but there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging it either. This little Prince cat baby is not going to be held back from a career doing whatever the hell royal people do by having a cat name. He’s not Garfield Arbuckle or Slippers McWhiskerpants. But he’s close. Because he has a cat name.