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People Are Sharing Barbie’s “Darkest Secrets” on Twitter and They’re Too Damn Funny

"She's definitely a serial killer."

Twitter/@dscapp

Barbie might seem all shiny and wholesome on the outside, but, like everyone, she has her demons. At least, that’s what the internet apparently thinks. As of Wednesday, the hashtag #BarbiesDarkSecrets has started trending Twitter, and people are imagining the skeletons hiding in Barbie’s well-organized closet. But are these dark secrets or just common sense?

Many suggest that Barbie’s buttoned-up image is clearly a cover for some super shady stuff; for example, murder. “She’s definitely a serial killer,” one user wrote, along with a photo of the blonde doll smirking as Ken lies in a bathtub of blood (yikes). “I found this pic on the deep web. Please don’t support her she’s MONSTER.”

Another speculated that there’s a lot going on behind her plastered-on smile: “She failed all her court-ordered anger management classes.”

Others shared the dark secrets behind Barbie’s cookie-cutter look. “She keeps her youthful looks by draining the souls of the children that play with her,” one clearly-disturbed user shared.

But they’re not alone in thinking Barbie’s a scam artist. “Barbie cheated on her taxes,” someone shared. Another user used the college cheating scandal to pull off this culturally relevant burn: “Her mom paid $500k and photoshopped her on the rowing team to get her into USCO.”

Some also insinuated that Ken is gay. Is this a revelation?

Obviously, this is just for fun, but it wouldn’t be all too surprising if any of this were actually true. Someone as “perfect” and polished as Barbie has to have a breaking point, right?

For what it’s worth, a lot of this stuff was explored smartly and in a much more twisted fashion in 2010, in a short novel called Elect H. Mouse State Judge by Nelly Reifler. That book features Barbie and Ken dolls screwing each other with their detached arms, which isn’t even close to as dark or weird as what people are coming up with on Twitter. Really!