Sure, Blake Shelton may implausibly hold the title of Sexiest Man Alive, but he’s got nothing on Pan Pan, the panda single-pawedly responsible for a quarter of the world’s captive panda population. Pan Pan was rescued from starving to death in the wild as a cub in 1985 and spent the rest of his life as a resident of the Giant Panda Protection and Research Centre in Chengdu, China. He died last December but in his nearly 31 years of life, he was able to father 120 of the 520 pandas that are currently living in captivity.
How was one panda able to pull this off? Researchers have released information that credits his reproductive success to being horny as hell. It is believed that Pan Pan had an abnormally high libido, as pandas are notorious for their low sex drive, which once put the animal in danger of extinction. But thanks to Pan Pan, pandas are no longer on the verge of disappearing from existence and his prolific fornicating has caused experts to totally rethink the way pandas in captivity can most effectively breed.
However, it’s not all good news for the pandas of Poundtown. Due to the fact that Pan Pan is the father of approximately one-fourth of the captive panda community, he’s created a pretty big shift in the genome of pandas, as the genomic variation has been greatly reduced for the next panda generation. Additionally, Pan Pan’s method of getting it on, which is now practiced with other pandas as well, has proven to only be effective in creating pandas that do well in zoos or captivity. This makes it extremely difficult for the pandas to ever be returned to the wild, as they often don’t end up surviving once they are out there.
Still, Pan Pan’s heroic ability to rescue pandas from the brink of extinction with nothing but a little tender loving care should serve as an inspiration to all of us to be the best we can be. Or, at least, be thankful we aren’t a part of a species whose lack of libido threatens its very existence.