Comedian Jeff Ross is widely known as the Roastmaster General. His ability to size up anyone, hone in on their weaknesses, and find the cruelest and funniest ways to insult them is legendary. And on last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Ross passed that gift on to the next generation. He took to the streets of Los Angeles and became the Roastmaster General of the first-ever, all-kids roast battle.
While the insults remained free of vulgarities, the tiny roasters fired off some zingers that were as hilarious as they were brutal. Unsurprisingly, the best roasts were between siblings, as nobody is able to get under a person’s skin quite like their brother or sister.
Two brothers began the roast battle with one telling the other: “You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said, ‘Goodbye.'” A solid opening line but no knockout punch and the younger brother was more than ready with a jab of his own ⏤ he told his brother he looked like he’d been picked up out of a trash can.
Another set of brothers battled next, with the younger using a very matter-of-fact insult to steal the show: “Boy, you look like a man who has no ability.” His brother tried to retort with an insult about the other’s height but it missed the mark and was easily deflected.
It wasn’t until a brother and sister squared off, though, that the roast battle reached a new level of viciousness. The two quickly started firing off a litany of solid blasts back and forth. The brother tried to beat his sister by calling her chain ugly but the sister emerged victorious, as she replied, “You would know something about ugly, you see it every time you look in the mirror.” Boom.
After all the kids finished tearing one another apart, they took a note from Frankenstein’s Monster’s playbook and turned the tables on their creator. Several kids ripped into Ross for his weight, lack of hair, and extremely ugly shirt. A warning shot was clearly fired, and Ross better hope one of these kids doesn’t end up taking his job ⏤ or worse, hosting a Comedy Central roast of him.