It’s rare that a Conan sketch that doesn’t feature the titular host, but one of the best things his show does is a recurring bit in which a series of actors “audition” for a well-known role. The latest edition of this sketch: seven different actors trying out for the role of Indiana Jones.
Billy Eichner — Timon himself — delivers a classic line: “Leave me alone I don’t like fast women” before adding “I don’t like women.” Side note: a gay Indy would actually be incredible.
Sam Richardson, of Veep and Detroiters (RIP), has some creative input. “One idea I had since this is a reimagining is that maybe this time he loves snakes?” Cut to: Richardson covered in rubber snakes.
Adam Scott is quite neurotic about the weight of the sandbag he’s using to replace a golden idol, as he seems to think the whole thing is real.
“I don’t know about you but I don’t want a boulder rolling in here and killing all of us. So if you don’t mind I’m gonna take a little more time with this. Is that OK with you?”
After brief turns by Seth Green as a snake puppeteer (it’s weird) and Tig Notaro going completely deadpan, Kevin Bacon gives it a shot. He introduces himself as Kevin Sedgwick and, unprompted, says he’s 6’4″ which a quick Google search for “kevin bacon height” reveals to be quite the overstatement.
Then, he plays Six Degrees of himself and realizes he’s not far removed at all from the original Indiana Jones cast, which shouldn’t be all that surprising. That’s the point of the game, after all.
Don Cheadle, whose real name is apparently Dan Chadle, is still riding the high from his role as War Machine in Endgame. Unfortunately, that means he has a rather uncreative suggestion.
“Does he have lasers that shoot out of his chest? You know what let’s add that, let’s throw that in. I’ll pay for it.”
His other idea? Playing the boulder and singing a song to the tune of the original Indiana Jones theme. “Giant boulder, that’s my name, giant boulder, that’s my claim to fame, giant boulder, on your ass, giant boulder the boulder…”
So there you have it: Indiana Jones: The Musical starring Dan Chadle. Get the popcorn ready.