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The Looming Global Coffee Shortage Should Be Every Parent’s Worst Nightmare

Remember the “don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” guy from that 2010 McDonald’s commercial? Since then he’s hopefully grown up, perhaps had kids, and now, finally, has an excuse for being such a dick. By his standards, as well as The Climate Institute of Australia’s, everyone could be shutting the hell up sooner than anyone expected. According to a new report from the latter, the world is headed for a global coffee shortage and it’s a steaming hot cup of hell no.

The report estimates that wild coffee plants could go completely extinct by 2080. Brazil’s coffee supply has plummeted over the past 2 years due to an epic drought, and despite surpluses in other countries like Honduras, market experts project that coffee prices will increase up to 30 percent in the next year. That’s going to make your local barista seem even more smug than they already are.

The report also approximates that by 2050 about half the land currently used to produced coffee will be untenable, and if you haven’t guessed, it’s all global warming’s fault. However, it’s not completely hopeless. While your old bowels won’t be able to handle the beverage by then, you can at least help ensure your kids (and grandkids) will have a coffee-filled future by walking to Starbucks to cut down on carbon emissions. Likewise, supporting companies who pay their farmers a fair wage gives those communities a much better shot at adapting to climate change, and it’s not bad for your conscience either. Or, you could just cut back on the stuff altogether and contribute to the global rage surplus, but that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Fatherly IQ
  1. How often do you and your spouse argue over the family budget?
    Rarely. We set it together and stick to it as best we can.
    Sometimes. We try not to, but it’s occasionally unavoidable.
    A lot. It’s a regular source of contention.
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[H/T] Business Insider