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John Bradley’s Sensual Reading of Jon Snow’s Greatest Moment Is Perfect

You can't un-hear this, but you can't miss it either.

HBO

With the final three episodes airing the next three Sundays, Game of Thrones celebrations in the media are going to come fast and furious, but we doubt there will be one as sensual as the video John Bradley filmed for Esquire in which Bradley, better known as Samwell Tarly, does a dramatic reading of a particularly steamy passage from George R. R. Martin’s opus.

Clad in a kimono, the official uniform of sexy book reading, Bradley lounges on a velvet couch and begins the video with the classic line “Hello, didn’t see you there.” He then introduces his reading as “one of my favorite extracts from A Storm of Swords. It’s chapter 26 it’s also known as ‘You know nothing, Jon Snow.'”

Bradley then proceeds to read the excerpt, which documents the moment Jon Snow loses his virginity to Ygritte, the fire-haired wildling, breaking his Night’s Watch vows in the process.

Martin’s gift is in creating elaborate worlds in his story; it’s not, as this passage proves, in writing subtle, evocative prose. It has some truly grocery store romance novel-level descriptions of sex which, of course, makes the dramatic reading all the more entertaining.

Here’s a taste: “The hair at the juncture of her thighs a brighter red than even her head. Does that make her even luckier?” Yikes.

“He gave her closest nipple a playful pinch.” Umm.

Even for a story that features a boy who can see into the past by touching a magic tree, this is some truly bonkers stuff. Still, we’re not optimistic that anything from the Game of Thrones farewell media tour will come close to being as entertaining as this video, which you can watch in its entirety here.